Charlie Sheen calls Howard Stern

After the break Howard came right back because he had Charlie Sheen on the phone. Howard asked Charlie how he was doing. Charlie said he’s been yelling at the wall. He said that he has to right this wrong that has been done to him. Howard said he has read that they are going to pay the crew from the show for the shows that they’re not shooting.
Howard said that Charlie is saying that they didn’t need to pull the plug on the show. Charlie said they really didn’t need to do that. He said he got right to his point on the Today Show and he hasn’t gotten a phone call or anything about the questions he has about the show.

Howard told Charlie about how he got sued by CBS and he called Les Moonves out on the air. He asked Charlie if he’s worried about his reputation being ruined. Charlie said that he has a lot of offers on the table right now and they’re just waiting for information on his TV schedule. He said he’s not worried about the movie side of the whole thing.

Howard asked Charlie about paying these broads to fuck them. He said that he has fucked the hottest chicks in Hollywood and he doesn’t have to pay. Charlie said that’s a whole other segment. He said they can get into that later. Howard said he has had Denise Richards on the show and she seems like the perfect wife for him. Charlie was laughing and saying they were straying from the subject there. Howard said Denise has said that she likes dressing up and stuff. Howard asked how that didn’t work out. Charlie said that she threw that piece of paper in there and that screwed things up. He said that she’s fabulous and smoking hot and he loves her to death.

Howard asked Charlie if he’s done with marriage now. Charlie said that he has failed at 3 so he’s not in a rush to get into four. Howard asked more about Denise and stuff like that and he didn’t want to get into that. He said maybe they can talk about it tomorrow.

Charlie told Howard that he got Bree Olson to retire. He said that her name is now Rachel. He said that he’s created something called a wedge. Howard asked Charlie about the hot chick he had in his back yard during the interview he saw. Charlie told him about that woman, Natty, and how it’s the three of them in this relationship. Howard asked if they’re willing to get it on with each other. Charlie said that he’d have to ask them about that.

Howard asked Charlie where he is now. He wants to roll with him. Charlie said he’s in Sherman Oaks, California. Howard said he wants to hang with him and do what he’s doing. Charlie said he’s welcome there anytime. Howard asked why he’s into Apocalypse Now so much. Charlie said it’s a film that teaches him a lot of lessons and it’s a magical Odyssey.

Howard asked if he’s tight with his dad or is that movie how he stays in touch with him. Charlie said that he sounds like his psychiatrist. Charlie said he’s not watching his dad in that movie. he’s watching his character.

Howard asked what his brother is up to. Charlie said that he’s got a new movie coming out in September and his dad is in it too. Charlie said he’s find with them doing that without him.

Howard asked about Jon Cryer and if he’s upset with what’s going on. Charlie said he thinks he’s turning that around. He thinks that Jon is behind him 100 percent. Robin asked if he’s been at war with the show people for a long time now. Charlie said that they have been trying to micro manage his personal life so that’s what he’s upset about.

Howard asked Charlie what the problem is with the show. Robin asked if it could be a problem that he’s all over the news with his personal life. Charlie said that he can’t get certain questions answered and it’s baffling to him. Charlie said he was asking about why there were no scripts when he was ready to come back and why they were unprepared for him to return. He said that they told him to be prepared and he was and they didn’t have any scripts.

Howard asked why all of this is blowing up now. Charlie said that he thinks that Chuck Lorre wants out even though this is the show that made him. Charlie said that they should probably fire him and put him back on and everyone will win. Robin said that it seems that they have to keep them all together because CBS won’t do the show without Chuck and Chuck won’t do the show without Charlie. Charlie said that Les Moonves lied to him and said that they’d take care of the crew but they’ve only taken care of half the problem at this point.

Charlie said their show was on an upswing in season 8 and that’s almost unheard of. He said that they’ve left them all twisting in the breeze at this point. Howard asked if his family called and tried to get him committed. Charlie said they could try but that would involve gun play. Charlie said he’s 45 and he’s not ruled by his family.

Howard asked what else Charlie is going to do. He said he’s going to do another interview today and then wait by the phone for someone to call him. Howard asked if he banged Bree and Natty last night. Charlie said he can’t talk about that. He said he didn’t do both of them. Howard asked who his favorite is. Charlie said it’s impossible to choose. He said that they’re both radically wonderful. Howard asked if they’re always around to have sex with him. He said they’re not just there for sex but hell yeah they’re there for him.

Howard asked what the sleeping arrangements are. Charlie said they have two beds in the bedroom and each girl has her own and he will choose which one he wants to go to. Howard said he’s living like a king. Charlie asked why he shouldn’t.

Howard asked Charlie about going out with Kelly Preston and if he shot her in the arm accidentally once. Charlie said that a gun fell out of a pocket and it hit her in the leg. He wasn’t even in the room at the time. Howard asked if that’s when he had his guns taken away. Charlie said that he did decide that it was about time he got rid of them around that time.

Howard asked Charlie if he likes getting into fight. Charlie said that he doesn’t like that and it takes more of a man to walk away from a conflict. Howard asked him if the girls ever do things together in front of him. Charlie said he’s not that kinky and he’s pretty straightforward. Howard said the girl they had in there told them about how he likes to watch porn for hours. Howard said he would like him to come in and critique porn with him.

Howard said that Andy Dick was on the line and he wants to support him. Howard asked if Mel Gibson called him to support him too. Charlie said that he did and he’s a rock star. He said he loves Mel. Howard asked him about the drug tests he’s been taking lately. Charlie told him about passing those tests and how he’s clean now.

Howard said that Charlie is an amazing drug taker. He said he doesn’t end up dead or O.D. on that stuff. Charlie said that a man has got to know his limitations.

Howard had Andy Dick on the line so he put him on for a few seconds. Andy got on and asked why he was only going to give him a couple of seconds. Andy’s phone cut out so Howard bailed out on the call. Howard asked Charlie if he thinks that he has a shot of getting his show back. Charlie said that failure is not an option. He said that he will get it back and they will get big numbers again. He said he’s a man of his word and he’s going back to work.

Howard asked Charlie if he loves his life. Charlie asked what’s not to love. Howard said he gets the feeling he’s on fire and he’s not sleeping. Charlie said that he gets some sleep but there are nights that he doesn’t sleep. Howard asked if he’s lost all of his money in his divorces. He said he’s lost a lot but he doesn’t believe in panic. That’s for amateurs and morons. He said he gets another opportunity when something like that happens.

Howard asked Charlie if he’s just with these two girls that he’s got now. Charlie said hat he’s hit the lotto with those girls. Howard asked why his publicist quit. Charlie said that the guy quit via text. He said that he’s been his publicist since 2005 or so. He said he’s fighting a war right now so he needs someone on his side. He said that he will get his show back and he needs some questions answered.

Howard asked Charlie about this thing that Kacey Jordan told them about. She said that he wanted to create a porn house where he would have two of every type of porn girl in the house. Charlie said he never said he was going to do that but she must have a great imagination. Howard asked if he feels that they’re missing him by going out and talking about him like they do after he gives her $30,000. Charlie said maybe she’s a retarded zombie.

Howard asked Charlie if he thinks that he’s better than everyone else. Charlie said he is but then said he was just joking. He said he’s grandiose and that’s all it is. He said he’s loving every second of what’s happening to him. He said that he loves a challenge and he thinks that he’d be able to conquer this one if they’d just give him an answer.

Howard said he planned his attack against CBS and he went to the NY Times and did what Charlie is doing and went on the offensive. He said they caved. Charlie said of course they did. He said that when you put them in the light then they’re exposed. He said that they’re hiding something and he’s hiding nothing. Charlie said that he’s telling the truth and they’re not.

Howard asked if anyone in his family is trying to get him committed or anything. Charlie said his dad was out there talking about AA and stuff like that but that’s not what he wants to hear. H said they’re not trying to take over his finances or anything like that.

Howard asked Charlie about the interview he did in his back yard. Charlie said that was a way to get his message out to the world live. Howard said he’s also shopping his book for 10 million. Charlie said that it’s going to be a great book.

Howard asked Charlie about who the best was that he’s ever had. He told Howard it’s the two girls he has now, Rachel and Natty. Howard asked him about banging Tabitha Stevens. Charlie said he did that when she was still hot. Howard asked if these new girls are doing something that no one else has. Charlie said that they’re great.

Howard asked if he wishes he had a big porn star penis since this Kacey Jordan said it was just normal. Charlie said he’s not sure where she’s from. Howard asked how big he is and if he could measure for him right now. Charlie said he’d have to get back to him on that.

Howard asked if he’s ever shot any porn with these girls. Charlie said he never puts any of that on film. Charlie said that he had to go train but he’d call in tomorrow. Howard said that he should call in tomorrow.

Howard said that his audience is saying that Charlie is their hero. Howard said that they’re all behind him.

Howard said they have a bunch of girls coming in on Thursday to do a beauty pageant. He told Charlie who they were and he said he does remember them but didn’t want to dignify them. He said they’re all lame because of what they did. He said ”Shame on you all…” to the girls. He said he gave Melanie some stuff and he should ask her what he gave her. Howard said he’ll do that. Charlie said if she lies then he’ll tell him what he really gave him.

Howard said he wants him to take 3 phone calls. Robin asked if he’s sober or just ”Hollywood sober.” Charlie said he’s sober.

Howard took a call from a guy who said that he’s his hero and he wants to come hang out with him. Charlie said he’s honored. Howard asked if it makes him feel good when he hears that. Charlie said that he does like that because he’s a winner and he’ll catch the losers in his rear view. Howard asked if he ever pictures himself as Genghis Khan. Charlie said he wouldn’t go that far back because he wouldn’t be able to do what he’s doing now.

Howard asked Charlie what he’s doing today. Charlie said he has some training and then he’ll hang with his kids and his goddesses. He said that he has a chef that cooks for him so he’s going to have a perfect meal after that. Howard said that he has to hang with him. Charlie said he’s welcome anytime. Howard asked if the ex-wives are trying to keep him from the kids. Charlie said of course not. He said anyone who is saying that is just lying. He said that it’s all magic there.

Howard took another call from a guy who said that he never cared one way or the other but now he’s intrigued by what’s going on. He said he’s recording everything he’s a part of now. He told him to keep on winning. Howard said he should copyright that ”Winning” thing he’s doing lately. Fred threw in the clip. Charlie said he was loving all of this.

Another caller said that Denise was on the show a couple of months ago and he asked if she was still giving it to Charlie. She said she’s not. He wanted to know if he’s still doing her. Charlie said that he’s not but he would if she wanted to. He said she still looks amazing. Howard said it must have been amazing the first time he was with her. He said she’s out of control sexually but he didn’t want to give away too much. He said she’s as into it as he is and that’s what makes it real. He said that it’s all epic.

Howard said he hopes that he gets his show back. Charlie said that hope is for suckers and fools. He’s going to get his show back.

Howard said that he’s going to put a call into Chuck today and he’s going to see if he can get them on the show tomorrow. He said maybe he can mediate it in some way. Charlie said he’s available 24/7 so he’s up for that. Howard said he’ll have Gary work on that now. Charlie said Howard is awesome and thanked him for that.

Ralph called in and asked if he could move in with him for just a week. Ralph said he’s living the life. Charlie asked how that helps him. Ralph said he doesn’t know. Ralph said that he shouldn’t live in the Valley. Charlie said that it’s not in the valley, it’s just close. He said he can see Sherman Oaks so he calls it Sherman Oaks.

Ralph said that this is great and no one is going to avoid this show when it comes back. Charlie said that he really appreciates ”Everybody Loves Raymond” because that show made their show.

Howard said that their beef is with this Chaim (Chuck) Lorre. Howard said that Mel Gibson must have loved that he called him out on that. Charlie and Howard spent a couple more minutes talking. Howard asked him about Sean Penn and how he’s his buddy. Charlie talked about how great the guy is for all of the parts he’s played and for the movie’s he’s directed.

Howard told Charlie he should help Mel Gibson out and get him laid. Charlie said that’s not up to him. He said he knows nothing about that. Howard asked if he ever watches gay porn. He said he doesn’t watch that unless he sees it as he walks by a room or something.

Howard said that Ralph is the guy who crashes at John Stamos’ house. Ralph said Stamos has nothing like this going on. Charlie said that if Stamos replaces him then they’re going to get what they deserve. He doesn’t think that he can replace him. He thinks that people would revolt. Howard asked if he ever watches porn on the web. Charlie said it’s too grainy. He said that he prefers DVD apparently. Howard said they’ll have to get together and hang sometime. Charlie said it sounds Epic to him. Howard let him go after that.

Ralph said that Charlie is Epic. Howard said that was Charlie Sheen for 45 minutes. Robin said that he doesn’t sound that crazy. Howard said he sounded kind of rational this morning. Howard asked Fred what he thinks. Fred said he thinks that he’s painting it all in his own light and some of the things are being swept under the rug. Howard said Fred isn’t going to Charlie’s house. Fred said that he wouldn’t want to go because he wouldn’t want to see his self destruction.

One comment

  1. Charlie is a disturbed, delusional, and a sick man! We are all trolls, and he is “winning” as he continues to ingest drugs and alcohol (who is he kidding??), and hangs out with women who have a limited number of brain cells. What is he trying to prove? I would watch “Two and a Half Men” with John Stamos-he is funny, articulate, and does not have a lot of baggage, unlike Sheen. Charlie is an uneducated wannnabe who thinks he is better than everyone else, and his ignorance is astounding to watch! He has loser written all over him, and should be committed to a psychiatric hospital against his will. He makes threats to others, and the local police should make note of this because he poses a danger to society and those around him. He is too narcissistic to commit suicide, but he is committing professional suicide by his constant ravings and lunatic behavior! Noone with half a brain can decipher his rantings, and we laugh at him, not with him, which is quite sad! He should also be banned from any future projects until he gets his act together-mentally ill people deserve help and don’t realize the damage they do when they self-medicate. I truly hope his family intervenes and get a court order to put him in a hospital where he will be properly medicated and get intensive therapy. His ex-wives should also prevent him from seeing his children.

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