Howard Stern Look-alike

Howard came back and said he had this guy Ron coming in. He’s in his 60s but he looks like him in the 80s. Robin said the guy might look kind of like him. Howard asked how old Ron is. Ron was having trouble with his headphones so Howard had to have Gary help.

Howard said he heard from someone who said they thought they saw him on 19th street in short shorts. Howard said it turns out it was this guy. Howard said he does kind of look like him and it annoys him.

Howard asked what he does for a living. Ron said he writes scripts. He said he’s working on some stuff now and he had an option for a Danny DeVito project at one point.

Howard said that Ron sounds like he’s got dry mouth. He told him to drink some water. Ron said he’s not sure why he looks like him. He said it might be more of a vibe than anything. Howard said the guy has sunglasses and he has long hair and he’s obviously trying to look like him. Ron said he had this look before Howard ever did. He said he’s 68 years old. He has a wife and two kids too. Howard told him that the short shorts aren’t working for him. He said that he should wear cargo pants. Howard said the guys thought he might be gay based on the shorts he was wearing.

Howard said Ron claims he was out at a bar and a woman thought he was Howard Stern and told him that she masturbates thinking about him. Howard said that never even happens to him. Ron said he doesn’t think he’s a bad looking guy and he has no problem getting laid. Howard said he was banging actresses and models when he was single.

Howard asked Ron if he ever gets a girl who thinks he’s Howard Stern. Ron said he would never do that. He said it’s kind of creepy. Howard agrees. He said that it is creepy. Howard asked if he has a big schlong. Ron said he does actually. He said he was told that he has a small one and he found it weird. Howard said he would never show it to anyone. He said his career would be over. Ron said he must have shown it. Howard said Fred is the only one and only because he blows him.

Howard said Ron came there to the building and security let him in with an ID. Howard said Ron claims the woman said ”you forgot it again” and gave him a pass. Ron said she just gave it to him. Ron said he didn’t want to get her in trouble. He said that he didn’t have to show any ID or anything. Howard said he went shopping with his daughter the other day and he didn’t have any ID on him. He said that the woman knew who he was but she was right to ask for ID.

Howard said Ron dropped off a script at Don Buchwald’s office and the secretary thought that Ron was him. She asked him if he wanted to say hi to Don. He said that’s so weird. Howard said that Mary Louise Parker approached him thinking that he was Howard too. Ron said she was very sweet and nice. Ron said that she went on and on and he had to break the news to her that he wasn’t him. She baked away and apologized to him.

Howard said Ron met Tony Bennett and Bryant Gumble. Howard said he knows those guys and they still thought that he was Howard Stern. Howard said that he has to stop wearing the short shorts. Howard said people think he’s wearing those shorts. He said he has to dress the guy.

Howard said Toni came to him and said that her friend saw him wearing short shorts and it wasn’t him. It was this guy. Howard said he hopes that Ron tips well.

Howard said Ron seems like a nice guy and all but this is creepy. Robin asked what he did for a living before script writing. He said he had a rock band but they weren’t very well known. Howard said he seems to have a nice lifestyle. Ron said he was a music director on Another World too. Howard said he should send Ron to his parent’s house and see if he fools them. Howard said he was thinking of trying to fool Dave Navarro but he doesn’t think that would work.

Howard said that he should have him take meetings with Scott Greenstein. He said he needs a double to do that kind of thing. Howard asked if he likes being like him. Ron said it’s easy to not do it. He said when he got annoyed with it in the past he’d just cut his hair short. He said he can just put it up in a pony tail and people don’t mistake him. Howard said he really does look like him and he has to stop wearing those shorts. He said they look gay.

Howard said he doesn’t need a shot of him blowing a guy or something and spreading around. Ron said he might go to a gay bar just for the hell of it. Howard said he should just cut his hair. Ron said he’s going to burn the shorts as soon as he gets home. Howard said he should cut his hair shorter at least. He said he seems like a nice enough guy.

Howard took a call from a guy who said that this asshole doesn’t even listen to the show and he’s getting all of the benefits of looking like Howard. He said he must be gay with those shorts too. Howard said he doesn’t think he’s gay.

Ron said he’s writing a screenplay called ”Becoming Howard” and he thinks that it’s really good. Ron said that Howard could play two parts in the movie. He said he could play himself and evil Howard. He said he had a 3 page script if he wanted to read it. Howard said he thinks that the audience has had enough of him.

>Howard took some more calls and ended up going off on Ron about the clothes. He said he really has to dress better. He doesn’t want people to think he’s him wearing that stuff. Howard said this is fucking him up in the head because he meets people that know him and he’s not recognizing them so they think that he doesn’t remember them. Ron said that he ran into Bryant Gumble in a supermarket and he did tell him that he wasn’t Howard after he said he didn’t recognize him. Ron said that Bryant came up to him and said hi like he recognized him and he just said he forgot his name. Howard sounded floored by that. He said that he has to tell these people he’s not Howard Stern. Howard said if a strange man comes up to him and says hi he should tell them that he’s not Howard Stern. Ron said that’s not the first thing that comes to mind. Howard said it’s no wonder Bryant is blowing him off. He said he snubbed a guy he knows. He said he really doesn’t like this and it’s creeping him out.

Howard and Robin said that he has to change his clothes. Ron said he was going to get a t-shirt that says ”I’m Not Him.” Howard said he just has to tell people that he’s not Howard Stern. Ron said that he would cut his hair if he did his screenplay.

Ron said he has a web site coming up for his screenplay ”Becoming Howard.” He said you can find that on Twitter and Facebook. Howard said that he wishes him luck with everything. Howard said that he really would like him to dress better and not let people think that he’s Howard Stern. Howard wrapped up and wished him the best in life. He said he knows how he feels looking like this. They went to break a short time later.

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