Howard Plays Some Porn And Chuck Zito Show Clips. 12/10/09. 6:00am
Show opening bits and songs included: A Lisa Lampanelli comedy bit, A Jay Leno interview with James Garner clip, John the Stutterer song parody medley, Tracy Bonham performing ”Mother Mother” live in the Howard Stern Show studio.
Howard started the show talking about the busy show they had today. He said they have a contest called the Saddest Virgin contest. He said they have a couple of virgins coming in to talk about their horror stories and they’re going to be playing to win a trip to the AVN awards. Howard said that they have Paul Fishbein coming in with a porn star who is very hot looking. He spent a minute talking about her.
Howard said the porn star’s name is Kayden Kross and he had some clips of her to play. He played one where she was screaming out during sex. They listened to a couple of minutes of that.
Howard said he would be so turned on if he could make a woman sound like that. He said if he hears a tiny squeak out of a woman he goes crazy. Howard asked Robin if she goes that nuts when she’s having sex. Robin said she’s not like that.
Howard said Sal found a clip of a guy getting his ass licked. He played that clip next. The guy was talking about the woman licking his ass and saying that she was wiping his ass with his tongue. Sal came in and said that he had found a new web site with all of this porn on it. He said that it’s good stuff. Howard told him that he’s disgusting when he told him about how much he likes that kind of stuff.
Sal said after the guy gets his ass licked he made a woman lick the rim of the toilet after he pissed in it. He said that was even too much for him.
Howard said he loves Chuck Zito. He said that guy talks about everything and he’s one of the last real men around. He had some audio of Chuck from his show on Monday night. In the clip Chuck talked about going to Scores and another club called Sapphires. Howard said Chuck has the life.
Chuck was talking about a 20 year old in the club that had a great bubble ass, real tits and from Florida. Chuck was talking about wanting to take this chick home with him. He did. Chuck said she started jerking him off in the car and blowing him over the console. Chuck said the car kept going into neutral. Chuck said he had to stop her so he could hold off on finishing. Chuck said they went into his place and took a bath and stuff like that. Chuck said they were doing everything. Chuck told his co-host about the chick playing with his ass and how good that was. He said if that’s gay then he’s gay. Chuck talked about how worth it that was to have the chick over.
Howard said that story is great but he doesn’t get jealous. He said he wouldn’t want his asshole licked because he’d feel so bad for the chick. Howard said there’s a tuft of hair back there and he wouldn’t want the chick smelling anything there.
Sal said that he’s had some ass juice on his balls before. Howard said he’s never had that. Sal said everyone has had that.
Howard asked if they had ever played this clip of Sal watching piss videos. Sal said he thinks they have. Howard played the clip that Richard had recorded secretly in their office while Sal was talking about those piss videos. Howard said Sal is in an area that he doesn’t understand. He said he thinks it’s a hostile thing. He said he’d never piss on a chick or even want to see that.
Howard thanked Sal for coming in and let him go after he said that he had found some girls before his wife that were willing to do some of that stuff.
Underdog Lady Update. 12/10/09. 6:15am
Robin asked if Howard had spoken to Shuli about Underdog Lady and how she had some intestine’s removed. Howard said he heard she was out of the hospital and she was doing okay. Robin said she heard that she wasn’t doing that well.
JD said that when Sal watches that porn he smokes that fake cigarette of his. Howard said that JD was looking better this morning. JD said it’s weird when he’s waking up and getting on the train but once he’s there he’s okay.
JD said that he’s on half a Zoloft pill and also on Xanax. Howard asked if he feels high. JD said he feels normal. Howard said he looks a little high but as long as he’s happy…
Robin got back to the Underdog Lady thing and said that she heard that she wanted to talk to the Catholic channel because kids are being lied to about Santa.
Gary said he heard that Underdog Lady had to have a lot of her intestines removed and it’s all linked to her cat bite she had months and months ago.
Artie Out Again, Howard Doesn’t Want To Talk About It. 12/10/09. 6:20am
Howard said he has to talk more about Tiger Woods today because more stuff has come out. One of the chicks he was with has some text messages that she got from him. Howard had taken a call from a guy who was talking over him and asking Robin questions while he was talking about Tiger. He hung up on the guy and wondered what he was asking her about. He was referring to a story they talked about yesterday. He had asked her if she would get crazy if she was a teacher. Howard said that was a dumb question.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked where Artie is. Howard said he didn’t want to get into that but he’s not there today. He said he didn’t want to explain it. He said he didn’t want to be cryptic either but he wasn’t going to talk about where he was. Howard said he knows where he is and he’s fine. Howard said he’s going to wait until Artie returns so he can talk about it. Howard said he’s not sure what to do or what to say.
Howard said Artie is fine and he doesn’t want to give anyone any concerns. Howard saying he didn’t know what to do or what to say led to Fred playing a song that Jackie the Joke Man had out with that same line. They listened to that and goofed on Jackie for a short time.
Howard said there is no big story there with Artie. He said he’d just rather let him talk about it himself. Howard said he doesn’t think the guy is back on heroin or anything. He said he doesn’t know that much about drugs but he doesn’t think the guy is back on it. Howard said he loves Artie to death and he hopes he’s okay and fine. Howard joked that Artie had been asked to go on a CIA mission to Guatemala.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and asked if this was Artie being disrespectful. Howard said it’s not like that and they’ll talk about it on Monday. Howard said that he’s not being disrespectful. Mariann said that she’ll call in on Monday then.
Howard said Artie is not being disrespectful. Fred kept playing the Artie wheezing sound effects while they were talking about that.
Howard Reads Some Tiger Woods Text Messages. 12/10/09. 6:25am
Howard moved on and got back to the Tiger Woods story. Howard said he likes how the FCC used to come after him for the stuff he’d talk about on the air while this kind of stuff is going on every day. Howard read some of the texts that Tiger and this Jaime Grubbs shared. He said that Tiger sounds like such a putz in the texts because he sounds desperate. Howard read through a bunch of the texts and the grammar and spelling was all messed up.
Howard said Tiger tries to get sexual with all of the responses he has. Howard said the woman would write something and Tiger would turn it sexual. In one text he talked about how he was going to ”wear her out” and another one where he was asking her to send pictures and stuff.
Howard said Tiger tells these girls that they’re the only ones and they really don’t even want to hear that. Robin said he’s trying to have that girlfriend experience so that’s why he tells them that.
Howard read more of the texts and said that his wife is really going to be upset about some of this stuff because Tiger was talking about how some of these chicks were the only ones who have ever made him happy. Howard said he likes how they’ve saved all of his texts too.
Howard said Tiger was pretty careful and he has to give that to him. He had a wing man who used to help him out. Robin said that there are people coming out and saying that they were helping Tiger and that was wrong.
Howard said Tiger was changing his number when the girls would call too much. He said that he should have just gotten a divorce. Robin said that it must have been a rush for him to do all of this stuff behind his wife’s back. That’s why he kept it going. Howard said he would never write anything down if he was doing something like this. He said everyone is taking too much of a risk there.
Howard was going through more of the stuff he had about tiger when JD came in and said he had a clip from TMZ where they had some porn star talking about doing Tiger Woods. Howard played that clip where the porn star was doing an interview and revealed that she had been with Tiger. She gave some details about that and said that Tiger was very good. That clip was from May of this year. She somehow flew under the radar with that revelation.
Howard got back to the story about this Jaime Grubbs girl and how Tiger was telling her that she was going to be his first and last. He seemed to want to keep this going for a long time.
Benjy read some of the Jaime texts where she was telling Tiger how great he was and how she talks too much and things like that. Then Tiger responds saying that she had him wrong and he’s actually ”Bone thugs and harmony.” Howard said he didn’t understand a lot of this stuff.
Howard said Tiger was talking to one of the girls like a chick. He was upset that she was only after him for being famous. Howard said he is a douche. He read through more of the texts and found that he was telling these girls about his wife and what she was up to. Howard said that Tiger refers to his race a lot in the texts too. Howard said the guy is all hung up on that stuff. Robin said that all of the chicks are into him because of who he is. She said it’s all about his fame and money.
Howard said he loves all of this stuff. He said women are all upset about it though. Howard said the athletes that can’t get endorsements must be really pissed at him. Howard said there are guys who can’t get any endorsements who have to do local ads for car dealers and stuff who must hate this kind of thing. He said there was some kind of tailor ad that football players used to do and those were the worst. He said he can’t imagine that they got paid well to do that stuff. Gary said he heard that they got paid in clothing.
Howard Takes Some Phone Calls, Plays Big Foot Game. 12/10/09. 6:45am
King of All Blacks called in and said he loves Artie but he wants to know what it is about Howard that lets him get away with not coming to work. Howard said Artie isn’t like that. He said he has a lot of problems and it’s not a ”fuck you” to him. Robin asked who else is disrespecting him.
King said he didn’t want to shit on anyone but he was going to talk about Gary. He said that Gary is very loyal to him but he said something on the Wrap Up Show. He said that Gary was talking about Howard getting annoyed and how he takes it out on him. He said that it might not even be him that’s annoying him. Howard said he heard that clip and it actually is Gary that annoys him. He said that he has to correct Gary and he’s trying to help him become perfect. Gary said it’s been 25 years and it’s not working yet.
King said that Gary will never admit that it’s his fault. Gary said that’s not true either. He said he has admitted he was wrong about stuff.
king was also talking about Tiger Woods and how happy he is that all of this is happening. He said that the guy is always so perfect and now it’s all coming down on him. Howard said he likes it too. He said that everyone is complaining about him talking about sex on the air while this kind of stuff is going on out there. Howard said that everyone is up to shenanigans and they don’t have anything on him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said it appears that everyone on the show is putting on weight. Robin said a bunch of them have lost weight lately. They talked about how Jason has put on some pounds. Howard said Artie seems to have put on some pounds too. JD has gotten kind of chubby too. Robin said that JD actually slimmed down from not eating lately.
Howard said that some of the other guys have put on some pounds too. He said that Brian Phelan and even Tim Sabean have put on a few. Howard asked Robin if she thinks Tim has done that. Robin said he may have put on a few. Howard said he saw Tim wearing these jeans where it looked like he had sausage in his pants. He said the jeans were too tight and realized that they were his skinny pants and he was still trying to squeeze into them.
Tim came in and said that he did put on about 10 pounds but it will come off. He said that he bought clothes when he lost his weight and he threw everything else out. He said that everyone looks at his crotch now that he has the tight pants. Howard asked if it was Thanksgiving that did it. Tim said that was it.
Howard said Tim looks like the Hulk in mid-change. He said his clothes are about to burst. Tim said he had to go back to work. Howard asked what he does back there. Tim said they’re working on stuff for 2010 and for the upcoming break.
The caller asked if he had any money to give away because he has a lot of bills to pay. He had surgery recently so he has a lot of bills. Howard said today was the wrong day to ask because they didn’t have anything. The guy said that he had a lot of problems and he owes quite a bit. Howard asked why the health care programs don’t cover all of that stuff. He said insurance is messed up if they don’t cover that stuff for a college student.
Howard said he always ends up with shitty insurance too. He said he always pays his bills with cash. The caller said that his bills were like $39,000 and all of it was covered except for about 10,000. Gary said that they usually cover 80 percent and the deductible. Howard said that when he was in college he didn’t have any money so he wondered how that insurance is good. The caller said that he has a lot of bills coming in every week and none of this stuff is covered. Howard said he doesn’t get that. The caller said he doesn’t have the money to pay his bills so it’s out of control.
Howard said he can just write a check but this guy on the phone can’t afford it. That’s fucked up. Robin said that she had her broken wrist and she had to pay the bills too.
Gary came in and said that they did have a game to play if he wanted. Howard said he would do that for $500 from Steven Singer Jewelers. Howard said they gave Big Foot a word and he has to say the word back. Howard told him he’d give him 5 to guess at. Howard said they asked Big Foot to say California. He was able to say that one and the caller guessed right. The next word was Wisconsin. Big Foot wasn’t able to say the word correctly. The caller guessed correctly. Next up was Cavalry. The caller said no to that. Big Foot had no problem with that one. Next up was Circumference. The caller said no way. He was right, Big Foot wasn’t able to say it. The caller got 3 right so he won the $500.
Howard played some more of the Big Foot stuff. He had him saying Espresso, Disingenuous, Exhibition, Entrepreneur, Governor, Molestation and Hemorrhoids. Big Foot had some trouble with a couple of those words. He had a lot of trouble with Entrepreneur and Molestation. Howard said he had to go to break after that.
Howard Reads Some Email. 12/10/09. 7:10am
After the break we heard a prank call the guys made to a bakery using Mike Walker audio clips. Howard came right back and said that he had a couple of things he wanted to get to. He said that they got slammed for having the Kardashian girls on yesterday. Howard said some people thought they were good even though they didn’t expect them to be good.
Howard said that there’s too much analysis about the show. He said it should be about just hanging out and having a good time. Howard said that everyone is so angry. Robin said she was shocked at how many people were pissed that they had them on when she listened to the Wrap Up Show.
Howard said when the girls left he thought it had gone very well. He thought the audience was going to dig it. He went on to read some email about them. He read one where a guy said he had to tune out. Howard said there was another guy who said they had taken a step toward jumping the shark. Howard said he thought he had already done that from what he’s heard from other people over the years. He said he thought he jumped the shark back in the channel 9 show days.
Howard read some more of the negative emails and then read one where a guy said the interview kicked ass and the girls were terrific. Howard said he doesn’t know. He said he would have them on again though. He said it’s all about what he’s interested in so that’s that.
Howard said that he will have them on again in the future and he bets that their show will be the most watched on Howard TV. Howard read more of the negative feedback where people vented their anger about the Kardashians being on the show. Robin said they never got to find out how the sex tape was made. Howard said there were a lot of things he could have asked that he didn’t get to. Howard said he wants them back so he can ask them about all of that stuff. Howard said he wants to ask about how much they get paid by E! and how they split it.
Howard said he’s going to do whatever he wants over this next year and by the end of it the fans won’t have a problem canceling their service.
Howard said he’s getting mail about Jackie too. He said that he’s having a meeting with Jackie soon and he thinks he’s going to be asking for more air time. Howard said Jackie could have had that air time if he had just stuck with the show. He said that Jackie is trying to go over Tim’s head by going to lunch with him.
Howard read some email about the Jackie thing and someone suggested they give Jackie time before Howard’s show in the morning. He said Jackie used to complain about the hours he worked so that would be a way to teach him a lesson.
Howard read an email about the email he read about Robin going to Guatemala and getting murdered. The writer thought it was very funny.
Howard got some feedback about the $9,000 quote that he got to hang a TV on his wall. There were a bunch of people telling him that it was outrageous to ask that kind of money. One guy said that it should be around $2,500. Howard said that the glass in his shower was going to cost him $50,000. He said he just saved himself $59,000 because he’s not getting any of that work done.
Howard read an email from a guy who said he had a TV hung on his wall for $1,200. The guy said that Best Buy charges $400 to do all of that stuff. The writer said his people must think he’s a sucker or something.
Howard said that the shower is his fault too. He said he knows he said that he didn’t want clear glass but they gave him clear glass. He said he had two meetings about that and it still came out to be clear glass.
Howard said the fans were upset about him saying he’s leaving the air after next year. Howard read some of that feedback. One guy said that he can’t listen to Gary doing a radio show so he’ll definitely cancel if they give him one. Howard said he appreciates the feedback and they’ll have to see what happens.
Howard read some email about Sarah Palin because Robin had read a story about her approval ratings being up. The caller figured that was a Republican Party poll that was done. Robin said she thought it was CNN that did the poll.
Lisa G’s Howard 100 News Preview. 12/10/09. 7:25am
Howard said that some people were upset with him about picking on Lisa G for her Roll Call thing. He had Lisa come in to do her news preview while he was talking about that. Howard read a few where they were talking about Lisa delusional about the whole Roll Call thing. Howard said someone asked them not to do it on the show anymore because it’s so lame. Howard said that Snoop Dogg is coming in soon and they’ll ask him if he knew about the Roll Call thing.
Lisa was in for her news preview. She said that Dr. Dre is still on the air doing stuff. Howard thought that hey were all off the air at this point. Lisa said that Howard is the only one who survived. She said that Howard has had an amazing career all these years and her hat is off to him. Howard said that John Gambling was on the air forever. He said Imus is like a cockroach and he’s still a survivor. Howard said no one can stand Imus but he has a little following that keeps with him. Howard said it’s pretty amazing. That led to Howard talking about how old Imus is looking these days. Howard said that he’s seen him walking down the street and looking like a cowboy. Howard said the guy can barely walk now though.
Howard said he’s not sure when Imus became a cowboy but he didn’t dress like that back when they were at NBC. Howard said that he tried to get TV shows and stuff and he just didn’t do well. He goofed on Imus for a few minutes about all of that stuff. He said he had this fake persona he put on and he didn’t have any substance when he did his radio show. Howard said it was horrible radio.
Howard said Imus stole things from his show after he heard them. He said Imus had nothing goofing on when he started there at NBC. He said once Imus heard him he started doing the stuff he was doing.
Howard talked about his days at WNBC and what Pig Virus used to tell them about how to do their show. Howard said they thought he didn’t know what he was doing on the air and they tried to change him.
Lisa G got to her news preview and said they spoke to a doctor there at SIRIUS who gave them some details of Klonopin and what that does for people. She said that Artie has admitted to have taken it so that’s why they asked about hat.
Lisa said that Joey Boots is out of rehab and feeling strong. She said they spoke to him and he’s got a long term care program working for him. She said that he has gotten a new phone number and got rid of all of the old, bad numbers he had.
Howard let Lisa go after that and said that he thinks that Roll Call is going to die off because of the email. Lisa said that she was going to donate her $100 to the North Shore Animal League since she lost the bet yesterday. Lisa said she was shocked when 50 Cent didn’t know how to rap during that Roll Call yesterday. Howard told Lisa he doesn’t want her giving his $100 to charity either. He said that you don’t bet with someone and then give it to charity.
Paul Shaffer Book Discussions. 12/10/09. 7:35am
Howard said Gary tried to get Paul Shaffer on the show because he wrote a book (We’ll Be Here For the Rest of Our Lives: A Swingin’ Show-biz Saga). Howard said Gary thought the book was really good but the Letterman controversy may have led to Paul not coming on the show. Howard said Dave should be happy that the whole Tiger Woods thing blew him out of the headlines.
Howard said he’d like to be in the prep session with Tiger before he goes on Oprah. He said he’d tell him to just finish himself off.
Howard said he heard that Paul Shaffer didn’t’ want to talk about Dave but he wouldn’t have even asked him about that. Howard said they read that Paul was supposed to be in the Blues Brothers movie but John Belushi kicked him out because he was working on something with Gilda Radner at the same time. Howard said Paul has a big history with a lot of people and the book was really good according to Gary.
Gary talked about how Paul was on Second City and SNL. He was also a co-writer of ”It’s Raining Men.” Howard said it’s sad that Paul can’t come on the show because of the whole Dave thing. Gary said he’s not sure why he’s not coming on. Howard said he feels like he knows him after doing Letterman so much.
Gary said he listened to the audio version of Paul’s book. Gary told Howard some stories from the book and said it’s really good. They spent a little more time on that and then had to go to break before doing the Saddest Virgin contest. Howard said they have the kid who has the moles all over his body coming in for that. Howard said that guy has to win. He said he can’t imagine what the other two guys are going to be like. Howard said that this Kayden Kross porn chick is hot. He said she’s even hotter than Tiger’s wife. That led to them talking about Tiger for a couple of minutes. Howard said if he were Tiger he’d just get out of that house and leave his wife. The guy can’t possibly be getting laid now. Gary said that he’s wondering how long it would be before he’d get laid again. He figured it would be 6 months or maybe even a year.
They talked about Tiger asking a chick to lick his ass and Howard said he knew a guy who used to go for anal first when he’d date. Howard said that’s kind of weird. He wondered what that’s about. Gary said he agrees with him on that one. They went to break a short time later.
The Saddest Virgin Contest. 12/10/09. 7:50am
After the break we heard a prank call the guys had Blue Iris make to an auto repair shop asking them help get her dentures out of the radiator. Fred also played Van Halen ”And The Cradle Will Rock” as they were coming back.
Howard came back and had Paul Fishbein and Kayden Kross come in. Paul is from Adult Video News and Kayden is a porn actress. Robin said she looks like someone famous. Howard said she looks like Kayden and she’s hot. Howard said he was on her web site and she looks really good. Howard said she doesn’t even need to do porn. Kayden said she enjoys it.
Howard asked what kind of money she has been offered to have sex with a guy. She said that she doesn’t let it get that far. She said that she’ll just delete the email if they ask her something like that.
Howard said that Paul is in the porn business and he rates movies and stuff. Paul said they do a lot more than that. Paul is also married with kids. Howard said he lives a double life.
Howard said that years ago a woman wanted to make love to Jenna Jameson and they wanted him to watch. Paul said that wife number 3 doesn’t care about what happened before her. He said that everything is fair game now so he guesses a book is coming.
Paul said that about 12 years ago Kiley Ireland was friends with Jenna and said to him that she wanted to fuck Jenna and she wanted him to watch. Paul said ”Uh, okay…” and they went up to the room to do this. They were looking for Julie Ashton to go up there too. Paul said he went up to the room and the girls were doing their thing. He said it was candle lit in the room and he kind of knew the girls. He said he saw Kiley looking over at him while he was fully dressed and not doing anything. Paul said he was a geek and had no idea what to do. Kiley called him over to her but he was frozen with fear. Paul said she had to ask him what was wrong with him. Paul said that he didn’t feel welcome. Jenna later thanked him for watching because that was hot.
Howard said he’d imagine it would be kind of intimidating. Paul said that he’s not afraid of the penis size or anything but he thought he might be compromising his integrity by doing something. Paul said that the girls he knows in the business are very cool and keep their mouths shut.
Paul said that Kiley didn’t know what was wrong with him. He said he hasn’t spoken to Jenna lately. He said she was mad at him for something he posted about her twins being born. Paul said Jenna instant messaged him one day out of nowhere and she was giggling and was okay with the story. He said he likes Jenna but he has problems with her new image that she created the world. Paul said that Jenna came into the business and she was just another girl. He said Wicked pictures picked her up and made her a star. She thinks that it was her man Jay who made her the start and not the people at Wicked. Paul said Jenna takes a lot of the credit for how big she became when it was actually Wicked and her ex-husband Jay. Paul said she was the nicest and sweetest person when she was with Jay back then.
Howard asked Kayden if she wants to be like Jenna. Kayden said of course she does. Howard asked who is the biggest person in porn right now. She said that there are a couple. Paul said he thinks that Kayden can be like Jenna. He said that she’s one of the top girls in the business and she can make money doing it and she can get up to the top like Jenna did.
Howard read that Kayden was a waitress before this. She said she was 17 back then. She said that she’s doing about 8-10 videos a year now and that’s 2 or 3 scenes per video. Kayden said that she loves the business. She said she has orgasms every time too. Howard said maybe Robin would enjoy it. Robin wasn’t interested. Paul said Robin looks younger every year. Howard said he gets older and Robin gets younger.
Howard asked Kayden if this was her dream to be a porn star. She said she never even knew about it because she grew up in a very religious family. Howard said that religion sure seems to push a lot of people into porn.
Howard asked Kayden if she does anal. Kayden said that she doesn’t do anal right now but she has done it in the past. She said that there’s such a ritual about doing it and it scared her. She said she thought she could just do anal sex. Howard said that you don’t want to do anal and have a guy pull out a plumb.
Howard said they were going to do this contest today and the virgins are going to be playing for the chance to win a trip to the AVN awards out in Las Vegas. Howard said they’re going to try to find the saddest virgin in this contest.
Howard said he has a sad story himself and he could compete with these guys. Howard said the winner is going to get airfare to Las Vegas and a few nights in a hotel. He said they get to go to the AVN Awards and to an after party.
Howard had the guys bring in the first contestant in his wheelchair. The other two guys came in with him. Howard said that they were doing the World’s Saddest Virgin Contest with them and they had Kayden Kross there with Paul to judge the contest. Howard said that only one guy can win.
Howard said they had Alex, Richard and Peter there to compete. Howard asked if they have 3 hotel rooms for these guys. Paul didn’t get a chance to answer. Howard asked the guys if they had seen Kayden before. Two of the guys said they had seen her movies.
Howard spoke to Peter first. He had a girlfriend at one time. He’s Chinese and he has an odd way of speaking. He has a speech impediment of some sort. Howard told him to speak English and he said he was. Howard said Peter had a girlfriend a few years ago. He never lost his virginity to her though. He said that they kissed but he was never able to feel her breasts. He only got kisses. Peter said he never got anything else. He said he’s 24 now and he’s still a virgin.
Howard asked Peter if he ever asked to have sex. Peter said he did but she always said no. He said that she wasn’t Chinese, she was a white American woman. Howard found out that she was cheating on him. He said he makes good money so she may have been interested in him for that. Peter said he has a job at Lowes home improvement store and he makes $12 an hour.
Howard said that Peter claims that he knows Karate and he was trained by Bruce Lee. Peter said he was trained by his son, not by Bruce. Howard tired to understand what he was talking about but his speech impediment was making it tough. Howard asked if it was Brandon Lee who taught him. Peter said he learned by watching his movies. Howard asked him to show some moves. Peter did some of his Karate moves for them and tried to explain what they were. He was very hard to understand. Howard said he’s pretty sure he could kick Peter’s ass.
Howard asked Peter if he’s a little slow. Peter said he is. Howard said that’ no big deal because there are some slow people that work there. He found out that Peter still lives with his parents.
Peter has never even seen a girl’s boob before. Howard asked Kayden to show him her’s. She got up and showed him. Howard said those things were beautiful. He said that her nipples were hard and they looked perfect. Howard
Howard asked Kayden how tall she was and how much she weighs. She said she’s 5’5” tall and weighs 120. Howard said that’s what every woman who is 5’5” should weigh. Howard asked Peter if his head would explode if he had sex with her. He said it would.
Howard and Robin asked Peter what he does at work and found out he loads and unloads stuff. Howard asked Peter if he knows how to perform sex. Pete said he does so Howard asked him to give some details. Peter tried to explain it but he was just saying penis and vagina. Howard said he seems like a nice young guy and he hopes he can win.
Howard moved on to Alex who is in a wheelchair. Howard said that he’s in one of those power chairs. Alex said he has cerebral palsy. He said it’s just physical and he has full intelligence. Howard said that he used to work at a CP center when he was in high school. Howard said he ran out of there within 5 minutes. Howard said he tried to play music for a guy and the guy rocked himself right out of the chair he was in.
Alex said that he’s never been able to kiss a girl. He said that he’s not into CP chicks either. Howard said that just because you have CP doesn’t mean you have to be with another CP person. Howard asked if he had use of his legs. Alex said that they’re pretty useless. He said his penis is fine though. Howard asked if he can masturbate. He said he can do that once in a while. Howard said that’s a nightmare.
Alex said that he can’t even put a DVD in to the player to watch porn himself. Howard asked Kayden to show him her vagina since he had never seen one before. She did that for him and Alex thanked her. Howard told her she’s a saint. Howard asked Alex if he had ever seen a vagina at all. He said he had seen pictures but not one in person. Howard said that Kayden’s was very pretty too. He said it was one of the nicest looking ones he’s ever seen.
Howard read that Alex lives up in Canada and he’s writing a book. Alex said he’s writing about all of the stuff he’s been through. Howard said the worst part is that he wants to masturbate but he can’t. Howard told Richie Wilson to give him a hand job. Alex said he’s not that desperate.
Howard and Robin asked Alex if he can use a computer to watch porn. Howard said the guy can’t even use his arms. He said they’re pointed in so he can’t use them. Howard said that no one can understand what Alex is saying either. He said the poor guy must have a lot of load built up in him. He asked if he ever has a wet dream. Alex said he does. Howard said that’s good.
Howard asked Peter if he jerks off a lot. Peter said he doesn’t do that. He didn’t seem to know what it meant though. Howard asked if he knew what it was. Peter didn’t have an answer. Howard said he knew he didn’t know. Peter said he did know but he wouldn’t say what it was.
Howard moved on to Richard who has been on the show before. He has moles all over his body. Howard asked if that turned Kayden off. She just giggled. Howard said that Artie brought Richard out to Vegas and tried to get him laid but they couldn’t even make it happen with a hooker. Richard said Artie went to some high class chicks first and that didn’t work. He went to the street hookers and even they wouldn’t do it.
Howard said he didn’t think Richard looked that bad. Kayden asked if the moles are all over. Richard showed what his body looked like and it was covered in moles. Howard asked if he’s ever kissed a girl. Richard said he’s had nothing. He hasn’t even been able to kiss a girl. Howard said that Peter is looking pretty good at this point. He had a girl who kissed him.
Howard said Richard has hair covering his body as well as the moles. The moles grew hair. Howard said Richard wants to get laid and he’d love to go to the AVN awards. Howard said that they have to understand Richard’s affliction. He asked if they’re dangerous. Richard said they are not dangerous. He said that some women may be curious about what he has and they’re just moles. Howard read that he asks girls out but they all reject him. He only has friends.
Howard said that one girl turned Richard down saying she had to stay home to wash her hair. Richard said that she was bald too.
Richard said that he’s ready to bang. Howard had Kayden show the guys her ass since they were just seeing some of this stuff for the first time. She showed her ass and then showed her vagina again. The guys were all loving it. Richard said he just came in his pants. Howard said that most porn stars don’t look this good. Howard asked if she has a boyfriend. She said she’s just doing porn right now.
Howard said that Richard has a job as a security guard. He also goes to school. Howard said that the moles aren’t still growing either.
Howard said that he’s having a tough time picking a winner. He went over the guy’s stories again and said he was having a tough time with this. He asked the guys why they wanted to go to the AVN Awards and things like that. They went through the three guys once again and did their final questioning.
Howard told everyone that it was time to vote. He said he loved all three of the guys. Howard said he wouldn’t be able to spend a lot of time with them but he did enjoy speaking to them today. Howard said it’s going to be very difficult to pick a winner.
Howard found out that Kayden is going to be doing a Tiger Woods spoof soon. She said that they’re writing the script as all of this stuff is going on. Howard asked if she has done Tiger in real life. She said she hasn’t. Howard said she might be the only one.
Howard played some of Kayden’s porn movie that he played earlier in the morning. Howard said that she’s very loud when she’s having sex. She said that she has been told that she sounds like she’s being killed.
Howard said that it was time to get to the voting. He got in some plugs for the AVN awards and the expo. You can find out more at: AdultEntertinamentExpo.com and AVNAwards.com
Howard asked Robin what her vote was going to be. Robin said that they were all great but she has to go with Alex. Howard asked Paul how he was going to vote. Paul said that Peter and Richard didn’t look so bad. He said that they should be able to get girls. He said he’s feeling for Alex too so he’s giving him his vote. Howard said that Peter doesn’t think he can get girls like Paul thinks.
Howard asked Kayden who she would have sex with. Kayden said that she would probably go with Richard. Howard said that was just who she would have sex with. Howard then asked her who she would vote for. Kayden said that she thinks that she has to vote for Alex. She said that Peter is watching porn even if he’s not jerking off to it. She said Richard has been to Vegas before too.
Howard said that he and Fred had votes but it sounds like Alex has already won. Fred said he thinks that Richard has to go to a fetish hooker dressed as a Ninja and he’ll get laid. Howard said he would like to give them all a trip out there but Alex was the winner. Howard said he’s going to give the other guys $500 cash thanks to the Trojan Vibrating Mini. Howard told Alex about his trip and gave some more plugs for the web sites he mentioned earlier.
Howard gave some plugs to Steven Singer Jewelers too because they flew everyone in. Howard said you can find out more about Kayden at AdamandEve.com.
Will said that he wanted to see a Sybian ride. Howard asked the guys if they wanted to ride it. They didn’t want to do that but Kayden was willing to take it for a ride. The guys all wanted to see that. Howard had the guys set it up and sent Kayden over there to take it for a ride.
Paul said that Kayden is a great girl and he picked the right one to come there today. Howard asked if they could have Alex control the Sybian with his mouth. Gary didn’t want to do that.
Kayden said that she has ridden the Sybian before and it was so intense that she didn’t have sex for 3 days after. Howard had Kayden get on the Sybian and had Gary in charge of the controls. Gary started her out with a low setting and she was already getting off. She was moaning and screaming within seconds. Gary hadn’t even turned up the power that much. She was finished within 30 seconds or less. Howard said she was shaking after that.
Howard asked Peter what he thought. Peter said that was ”super.” Richard said that she had a nice ass. Alex said it was unbelievable. Howard said these guys are going to beat off to this for the next 10 years.
Howard told Peter that she was now pregnant. Peter said he didn’t think so. Robin said he’s not that slow. Howard said that Kayden looked great and she should win Best Performance of the Year. Howard told Paul to fix it so she wins. They had to go to break a short time later.
Dave Attell Visits. 12/10/09. 9:00am
After the break we heard a prank call Sal and Richard made to a racist guy about an apartment he had for rent. Fred also played Lenny Kravitz ”Are You Gonna Go My Way” as they were coming back.
Howard came back and had the guys bring in Dave Attell who had been waiting there for a while. Robin said Dave looked depressed waiting out there. Howard said he always has that look. He said Dave doesn’t care that he didn’t get to see the Sybian ride. Dave said he looks forward to coming on every year and a parade of freaks walks through. He asked if that was a Twilight New Moon convention. Howard said he went to see that movie. He said he had to go with his 16 year old daughter. He said that he got an invitation and brought her. He said the movie was horrible though.
Dave said that the women in this country have to go with mythical men instead of real men. Dave said that men don’t have to do that. He asked Howard if he ever sits at home masturbating to a mermaid. Howard said he hasn’t done that.
Howard said that he liked the first Twilight movie. Dave said he’s not that gay. He said he can’t watch that stuff. He said he would swallow a man and do a tea bag but not watch those movies. Howard said that he watches a lot of gay TV and movies. He said he likes anything vampire related. Howard said that he likes that new vampire TV show and American Idol. He used to watch Felicity too. Howard said he thought that Adam Lambert thing the other day was a little too much though.
Howard asked Dave what kind of material he’s doing about Tiger. Dave said he had someone tell him that if he could link tiger to a woman of color he’d give him a million bucks. Howard said that Tiger does seem to be doing white women only. That got Rush Limbaugh’s attention too and he was pointing out that he’s embarrassing the black community.
Dave said that he’s supposed to be the co-host of the AVN awards and he’s not sure why they didn’t mention that earlier. He said he thought he could have the chance to gel with her in there but he wasn’t invited. Howard said that she was hot too. Dave said that she was very hot and she could be with Tiger Woods based on that.
Howard and Dave talked about Tiger Woods and his Gatorade sponsorship. Dave said that’s not even a real drink so you know you’re in trouble if they drop you. He said they should keep him on because that’s what you need to drink after a good work out having sex.
Howard wondered how Tiger should handle the whole thing when he goes on Oprah. They spent a short time talking about what they think he should do.
Dave said that he saw Artie out on Halloween and he was looking really happy with his young girlfriend. He said he looked really happy about that. Dave said he still hasn’t been able to find a girl like that. Dave said he’s kind or surprised that he hasn’t been able to find a girl while Artie, with all of his problems, has.
Howard said he was thinking more about the Tiger Woods thing and how maybe he should go on and fuck Oprah to get in with the black community. Dave said that would be a good finale show for Oprah. They talked about Oprah retiring too and how she may go to her own network. Howard said Oprah is kind of shady. He said that she took $50 million from XM and she never mentions it at all. He said she takes the money and runs. Howard said he heard that Oprah’s ratings were going down and the affiliates wanted her to improve them. Oprah knows it’s the time to leave and that’s why she’s getting out now.
Dave said that Howard is right about that and Oprah having that woman with her face bitten off by a chimp was Oprah jumping the shark. Dave said that when he brings that up in the clubs people start to groan. He said that they all freak out if he even brings up the story.
Dave said he thinks that the AVN Awards are going to be a lot of fun. He said that a lot of cool guys have done the show so he feels like he’s in the zone. He said he’s never done it before. Howard thought he had. Dave said that he hasn’t done it but he’s looking forward to it.
Howard said that Dave is going to be at Caroline’s later this month. He gave him a plug for that.
Dave talked about going out on tour doing comedy shows for the troops. Dave said that he’s not sure how he’s going to fit into the tour because it’s kind of a family type thing. Howard said that the troops want to see naked chicks so someone like Kayden Kross should go. Dave asked if she’s related to David Cross. Howard said he was pretty sure she spelled her name with a K. Dave said that must be like a burning cross in your front yard kind of cross.
Dave and Howard talked more about Tiger Woods and the girls he’s been with. Howard said that David Letterman must be thrilled that he’s out of the headlines now that Tiger is being exposed.
Howard asked Dave about this Barbara Walters interview with Lady Gaga. Dave said he loves that Lady Gaga has a nice rack. He said that if she didn’t have a rack then maybe they wouldn’t be so gaga over her. Howard asked Dave if he would bow to the Queen in England like Lady Gaga did. Dave said he wouldn’t do it. Howard said he wouldn’t to it either. Dave asked if he would bow and then kick her right in the face and say he thought it was a karate thing.
Howard said he was asked to be part of Barbara Walters special a few years ago. He said that he would do an interview with her one on one but not in a special like that. Howard said he feels that he’s the most fascinating person and he should be the only one in the interview. Dave laughed but said he was just breathing with a wheeze.
Dave said that Barbara Walters has balls doing what she does. She interviews people to make them cry and she demands meals and won’t leave until she gets what she wants.
Dave asked Howard if he would ever put out a magazine like Oprah did. Howard said he was offered the chance to do that once. He said that he wanted to do a National Lampoon type of thing. He said he was going to do it but thought about it and figured that it might not live up to his expectations. He said he didn’t think that he would be able to concentrate on both things and make them both great. Howard said that’s where he and Oprah are different. He said that Oprah will do anything. He said that’s why he closed his production company. He said he owes all of his attention to his fans on the radio show. Dave said he would have done it and it would have ended up begin half assed.
Howard said he had people asking him to do a magazine but to just put his name on it. He can’t just do that. Dave was complaining about Playboy and how he doesn’t get hard anymore from reading that magazine. Howard said he’s the same way and wonders if it’s their age. Dave said they airbrush out the vaginas and that’s just not right. Dave said that whoever invented the vagina knew what he was doing because it looks the same before and after sex. He said that you can’t say the same about a man.
Howard asked Dave what he would do to change Playboy. Dave said you want to see a celebrity naked in erotic situations. Howard said he would like to see Megan Fox in there. Dave said that you’d put her in a situation where it’s full tilt eroticism. He said that they’d have a chimp ripping her face off.
Howard said that Playboy is stuck with a situation they can’t win. He said they’re up against the porn on the web and that’s unbeatable. Dave said that they tried to become a Maxim or something but that doesn’t work. He said he loves Hustler because they give you what you’re looking for. He said they have some cool articles in the magazine too. Usually conspiracy stuff but it’s a good read after you splooge.
Howard said the Playboy empire is in trouble and Hugh Hefner is getting older. He said that someone could buy the whole thing if they wanted. Howard said a prominent guy approached him and said he wanted to have a meeting with him about Playboy. It was someone he respects a lot but he doesn’t work for Playboy. Howard said the guy came to him and this story drives Ralph crazy. Howard said the guy said he was no bullshitter and he was looking at Playboy. The problem with the whole thing is that the magazine sales are down. They need someone to replace Hugh Hefner and the guy was thinking about Howard Stern. Howard said the guy thought about him and what a good replacement he’d be for Hef. Howard said the guy was going to buy it and move into the mansion and all of that. Howard said he started to think about it and he called the guy back and said he’s not that guy.
Howard said that he never made his living just having naked girls on for no reason. He said they do contests and stuff. Howard said they have some kind of story for the girls when they come in. Howard said that he doesn’t live that lifestyle.
Howard said he doesn’t think that there’s anything you can do about the magazine at this point. People who buy it now are the ones who like it the way it is. Other guys are probably doing something else and don’t want anything different in there. In the end Howard said he decided not to do the Playboy thing.
Dave said that it would be odd to have Howard running that empire. He said that they’d end up with the guys from the show being there at the mansion so it would be kind of weird. He said that Howard would have everyone in bed by 8 and things like that as well.
Dave talked more about the shows he’s doing for the troops. He said he thinks he’s going to be going all over the place and not just Afghanistan this time. He said that they’re going to have a whole show and not just comedy. He said that he’s going to try and keep it kind of clean but he hopes he can talk about lubricants and stuff.
Dave asked Howard if he could design his own lube, what he would want in it. Howard said that he doesn’t need lube, he gets wet back there without it. Then he said that Dave was taking him down a road he didn’t want to go down and stopped the conversation.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Dave is great and he wonders how he would feel about replacing Artie. Dave said that he’s not a good sidekick. He said that’s why he’s worried about the AVN thing. He said that he may not be that great of a host. He said that’s why the Gong Show remake didn’t do well.
Ralph called in and said that he knew about the Playboy thing and he had to keep it secret. He said if that guy had gotten Howard when he was single he would have moved right into that mansion. Howard said he thinks that Playboy is done now and no one could have predicted the internet. Ralph said that it’s a recognizable brand and something could be done to save it. Ralph said they could figure something out.
Dave said he watched The Girls Next Door but he thinks that Hef should have sent the girls out on missions like Charlie’s Angels. He said that would have made the show great. Howard said he’s right about that. Howard said he watched that show but he loves ”Leave it to Lamas.” Robin said the look on Dave’s face when he brought that up was priceless. Dave didn’t even know that show existed.
Howard said that when they went to the Playboy mansion there were girls passing around notes asking them to help them get out of there like they were being held hostage. Howard said that’s what would be interesting for him to see on that show. He said that would be fascinating. Howard said he wants to see exactly what Hugh is up to over there.
Howard said that the girls can’t be looking forward to fucking Hugh Hefner so the girls must have to argue about who is going to do him. Howard said that it would be a fascinating thing to see what happens there in reality.
Howard started to wrap up with Dave and said he’s the greatest. Dave said he loves coming in during the holidays and hanging out for a few. He said he loves seeing Howard. Howard said he likes seeing Dave too. They spent a little more time talking about the tour Dave is going on before they wrapped up and went to break. Howard said he’s very proud of Dave for doing what he does for the troops. He said that takes balls. He said that Dave is this generation’s Bob Hope but Dave is actually funny. He gave him some more plugs and went to break.
The Gossip Game With Mike Walker. 12/10/09. 9:50am
After the break we heard some prank calls Sal and Richard made to the Talkin’ Yankees radio show. Fred also played ”Tik Tok” by Ke$ha.
Howard came back and had Mike Walker on the phone to play his game. Mike talked about the Tiger Woods story for a short time. He said that he loves how all of the TV shows put them down for writing about this stuff but they spend all this time dedicated to talking about the story. Mike said that you never text your girlfriend if you’re married. Howard said he agrees with that. Howard said that the girls aren’t going to erase that stuff. They spent a few minutes talking about Tiger’s choice in women and things like that.
Howard had Mike get to his game so here’s how it goes. Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike’s gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week’s stories:
Charlize Theron went shopping and went home with 27 pair of shoes and boots one day spending a small fortune on them all.
Howie Mandel told his wife that the boots she picked out were too expensive at $1,200 and wouldn’t let her buy them.
Susan Boyle had a fan come up to her saying she was obsessed with her and ended up planting a kiss on her face since she heard that she was a virgin. Susan was shocked and had to have the woman pulled off of her by the friend she was with.
Ashlee Simpson thinks that her husband picked her to marry him because she shares a birthday with his English Bulldog.
Howard and Fred picked story 2 as the fake one. Benjy and Robin picked story 1. The actual false story was number four.
Howard 100 News, Wrap Up Show And Superfan Roundtable Previews. 12/10/09. 10:05am
Howard had Steve Langford come in with his news preview. Steve said they haven’t gotten a call aback from Jackie the Joke Man about leaving a movie because Richard Christy was going to be in it. This day in history is also a day that Jackie walked off the show one day many years ago.
Steve said that they also have a story about Jay Leno winning an award from Forbes magazine for changing TV. Gary told Howard that Jackie walked off the show because he needed a mental health day after they did a roast on the Channel 9 show where he thought that Howard told everyone not to laugh at his jokes.
Howard said he swears on the life of his kids that he didn’t fix the audience that day. He said that would have been brilliant but the audience just wasn’t laughing at Jackie. He had nothing to do with it. Howard said Jackie came in all freaked out that day and insisted that they had set him up. Fred backed Howard up on that story and said he had it 100 percent correct.
Steve said that Gary has been attacked by Eric the Midget lately over email. They have more on that. Howard said that Eric fabricated some emails that he said were from Robert Mills at ABC. Gary said that he knew they were fake and pointed that out on the air. Howard said Eric is still mad at Gary over that and he’s saying that he’s going to sue him. Gary said that he can’t help himself responding to those emails that Eric sends. He said that Eric writes to him in like 3 inch letters and calls him names and stuff. He said that he just can’t help but email him back and it’s just working Eric up.
Howard said Eric is also voice mailing Gary. He had some of those to play as well. In the voice mails Eric was very angry and calling Gary ”asshole ape face” and saying that he was going to get back at him for all of the stuff he’s said about him on the air. He’s threatening to sue him and take away all of the money that he’s saving up for his kid’s college funds. Eric claims he can do math and he’s not retarded like Gary says he is. He told Gary to go to hell.
Gary said he loves Eric on the air now. He said he loves the places that Eric decides to take a breath. Howard played another clip where Eric was saying that he didn’t have a problem with Howard at all. He said that it’s his ignorant, piece of shit, producer. Eric said that he thinks that Gary is the one who should be fired, not Artie for missing work. Eric said he doesn’t give a shit which one gets fired but Gary has to stop with the bullshit about him. Eric said that he’s going to go after Gary legally if he doesn’t stop with that stuff.
Gary said he thinks Eric is going to have an aneurysm if he keeps up with that. Gary said that he always tries to stop from sending Eric an email but he can’t help himself. He said Eric is so angry and he’s making these threats and he just can’t help it. Gary said that Eric is gathering up all of his old teachers and stuff to prove that he’s not stupid.
Steve said that they have a story bout Lisa G’s cookies that she’s selling and giving 10 percent to charity. Howard said that Lisa must have press released her own story about that stuff.
Steve said that Scott and Ronnie are going to be appearing out in Las Vegas around the same time and they’re going to be at different places. Howard said he saw that Scott got his head shaved in preparation for that appearance. Scott came in and said that he didn’t shave his head. He said that Train is opening for him out there. He said that they open up for him and then he goes on.
Howard said he had some audio from the second appearance Scott made out in Vegas recently. He played some of that and Scott brings up Howard’s name. Howard asked him not to bring his name up when he’s doing those appearances.
Ronnie came in and said it sounds like Scott is ripping off his act. He said he’s yelling and cursing just like he does. Howard asked if that’s Scott’s attempt to show he’s not an old guy and he fits in. Scott said it pumps up the crowd.
Ronnie said Scott hasn’t shut up about the trip to Vegas for the past 3 weeks. Doug Goodstein said that he really hasn’t stopped and he keeps going on and on about it. Ronnie said he’s been trying to get his seat on the plane because the last time the flight was over booked. He said they had him on a waiting list the last flight home.
Scott said he’s been upgraded to first class and he really appreciates that. Howard asked what they’re doing out there. Scott said that he’s going to Rick’s out there with Ronnie for his birthday. Scott said that his wife isn’t going because she doesn’t like to fly. Doug said that Scott has never been happier.
Doug said that they have video of Scott dancing with some chicks and doing air guitar. Howard watched that and said he’d laugh if he fell off that stage. Howard asked him what he’s doing. Scott was also dancing with some girls and a couple of them were pretty hot according to Howard. Howard said that they were black chicks and one of them was really hot.
Ralph called in and said it’s kind of a cool and hip place and then you see Scott and it must ruin the brand. Howard said he’d prefer it if they don’t mention his name.
Howard apologized to Ralph for the whole liquor thing. He said he heard tape of himself telling Ralph it was okay to drink from the bar there. He said that he doesn’t have permission to do that now though. Ralph got in a plug for this weekend’s Geek Time show that’s on from 2-4 on Saturday. They have Adam West on this week. Howard said he hated that old Batman TV show. He said he was desperate to see anything comic book related so he watched it. He said it wasn’t good though.
Ralph called in again and said that first Batman was awesome. He said he was like 7 at the time and he loved it. Howard said that he watched that show and it was on against The Munsters and that’s what took the Munsters off of TV. He said he watched it every week but it was a shitty show. Ralph disagreed with that.
Howard said Ralph can talk more about this on Saturday on Geek Time. Howard said that no one thought that show was great except for Ralph. He asked Jon how he does a show with him. Jon just laughed.
Howard let Ronnie and Scott go after that. He had Jon Hein run down his Wrap Up Show preview next. Jon ran through his list of stuff they had to talk about on today’s show.
After that he had Mutt from Superfan Roundtable on the phone to give them a preview of what they had coming up tonight. Mutt said that he’s getting emails from Eric the Midget like Gary is. He said that he gets the same kind of stuff and he’s threatening to ruin his life. Howard said he was thinking about sending Mutt a few of those himself.
Mutt said they’re going to talk about Howard’s threats of retirement and about Jackie wanting to have lunch with him. They’re going to talk about the guests they had on this week as well. Superfan Roundtable is on tonight at 7pm on Howard 101.
Robin’s News. 12/10/09. 10:30am
Howard played Robin in with a Christmas song parody about her boobs. Howard said everyone is doing holiday stuff with her. He said he has a million of them. Howard played another one that had a holiday tune. They were by Tony Daniels.
Robin started her news with a story about a guy dressed as Santa grabbing a 12 year old girl as she was walking down the street. Robin read the details of what was going on and how the girl got away. The cops caught up with the guy and arrested him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was a student teacher like Eric the Midget was saying he was. He said that they were just the teacher’s helper and it doesn’t mean you were smart or anything. All he did was take roll call and things like that. Howard said that Eric has a lot of law suits to juggle. He makes it hard to be his friend.
Robin read a story about how letting kids play in the mud and eat off the floor might help them be more immune to things later in life.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he had a friend’s wife give him a blow job. He said he called in with that a while back and he went through with it. He said he got the blow job and watched his friend bang his wife. He said it was a pretty good birthday present. The guy was also saying he thinks that Eric the Midget thinks that he’s a wrestler so that’s why he’s acting so angry.
Robin read a story about people adopting Chihuahuas and abandoning them. Howard said he hates people who do that. He said that you can’t just indulge yourself and then get rid of them.
Another caller said that Howard has to take it easy on Tiger woods. He said that he’s just going after young pussy like Howard did. Howard said he’s just saying that Tiger is stupid for texting the women. He’s not on him about the young women. The guy said that Howard did all of this stuff in the past. Howard said he’s not passing moral judgment on the guy, he’s just saying that he fucked up royally. Howard said everyone is up to having sex and he loves the hypocrisy of it all. He said that Tiger is putting out the image of being a family man and meanwhile he’s out fucking all of these broads and texting them. Howard said he would never text girls like that if he was in that situation.
Robin read that there may be nude photos of Tiger Woods and Playgirl magazine is talking about publishing them. Robin said that the first woman who came out with the Tiger Woods story is upset about how many women who are coming out of the woodwork. The woman wants to be tested for sexually transmitted diseases now that she knows how many he’s had. She says that they had unprotected sex. They had to take a break after that story.
After the break, around 10:45am, Howard came right back and had Robin get to more news. She had more about Tiger Woods and these women he was sleeping with. One story said that Tiger and this woman were taking Ambien before having sex. Howard said that would make you sleepy. She had some news about his wife staying with him. Howard sarcastically said that should work out just fine.
Robin read a story where they talk about guys who cheat and why they do it. Robin said there are some guys who are just sexual addicts and need that conquest. She read about the guys who are looking for love and adoration and things like that.
Ralph called in and said that sex on Ambien is really good. He said he’s done that and it’s really hot. He said that there’s nothing wrong with that. Howard said he doesn’t need to be medicated to have sex. He said that his penis inside a woman is the best feeling and he doesn’t want it enhanced. Howard said there’s no better feeling than that.
Robin read about Ron Wood getting into a fight with his girlfriend. Howard said that Ron Wood looks like an old grandma and anyone could beat him up. Robin said they claim that he was choking this woman and dragging her down the street. Ron had to spend a night in jail and the relationship is now over. She was only 20 years old and Ron is 62. She refused to press charges on him.
Robin read a story about a guy who blew his jaw off when he laced his gum with some unknown substance. Robin said he used to like to dip it in citric acid according to his family. The family heard an explosion while he was working on his computer and the family found him on the floor with his jaw blown off. Howard said that was a strange thing.
Robin read about President Obama going to Norway to accept his Nobel Peace Prize. Robin said some people find that odd since he’s in charge of 2 wars right now. Howard said maybe it’s because he’s trying to end those wars. Robin had some audio of Obama that she had Howard play.
Robin read a story about a Boy Scout leader who raped a boy in her Boy Scout troop. The woman was caught having sex with the boy by his parents. Robin said they call it rape because the boy is so young. Robin said that they say she may have had sex with the boy on more than one occasion.
Robin read some more details about the lesbian teachers Howard talked about this week. She said there’s another teacher under investigation here for having sex with a student. Howard said that story about the lesbian teachers was hot.
Robin had some news about Sarah Palin and her book signing tour. She had some audio of some guy talking about camping out waiting to meet her at a book signing.
Robin had some news about Barbara Walters most fascinating people special. She had some audio of Michele Obama talking about her husband on that special. Robin read about some of the other people on the list as well. She said that Michael Jackson’s kids are on the list so Howard asked if they’re going to be interviewed. Robin said that they must be if they’re on the list.
Robin read that Senator Oren Hatch has broken into song for the holidays. The song was about Hanukkah but Oren is a Mormon. Robin had Howard play some of that song. Howard said that he hasn’t been that turned on by music since Susan Boyle came out.
Robin said that people are complaining about their AT&T cell phone service and they’re now talking about adjusting their rates for what they call data hogs. Robin said that they’re slowing down phone service and AT&T is going to cut back the people that are using too much of the data services. Howard said that they shouldn’t offer phones that use data if they’re going to do that. Howard said they do have to do something because their phones don’t work.
Robin had some news about Jessica Simpson and Billy Corgan dating. She also had some news about Susan Boyle being on the top of the Billboard 200 charts. Robin said that they think that she could sell another 500,000 albums this week alone. They spent a little time talking bout Jessica Simpson and poor Billy getting her when she’s fat. Robin said that she’s losing some weight. Howard said he’s getting the feeling he could have gotten her if Billy got her.
Robin read a story about a study done on how to block the fearful memories that people have that cause Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Howard said that’s what they think JD might have. Robin said that’s why she brought it up. She said that they’re trying to figure out how to disrupt those memories so people can get over it.
Robin read about director Peter Jackson slimming down. Howard said that golfer John Daly did too. Howard said he had that band put around his stomach. Robin said Peter cut back on his portions. Robin said he’s the guy behind ”The Lovely Bones” and had some audio of him talking about that movie. Howard said he doesn’t want to hear the guy talking about that no matter how thin he is.
Robin had some news about a new movie Clint Eastwood has directed. Howard said he thought he retired. Robin said he may not be acting but he’s still directing. Howard talked about how he avoids any movie about Nelson Mandella. He said that he admires the guy but doesn’t want to see a movie about it. He said he’d rather see Spider-Mandella. He said that might be a good idea for a movie actually. He said he might have to option that. Howard said he might have to become a movie director when he’s done there in a year. He said that he’d love to bring out movies like ”Spider-Mandella.”
Robin read some news about the Salahi couple that crashed a party at the White House. They’re saying that they’re going to refuse to talk about it when questioned by the government about how they got in.
Robin read about the show ”Community” and how Anthony Michael Hall is going to be on the show with Chevy Chase. The last time they worked together was on the movie ”Vacation.” They had some audio of Anthony talking about working with Chevy on that movie. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show right around 11:15am.
— Wrap Up Show Wrap Up —
Wrap Up Show – Saddest Virgin Contest. 12/10/09. 11:20am
Jon and Gary started the show talking about the big Saddest Virgin contest. Jon said it was won by Alex who defeated Peter and Richard the mole guy. Jon asked Will if it was hard to bring this contest together. Will said it wasn’t even going to be about the virgin thing. He said that it just ended up that way when they found out that all three were virgins. They were originally looking for people to win a trip to the AVN awards.
Gary said that he knew it was going to be bad when Will told him that Richard wasn’t going to be the worst of the three. They were going to do a game where they asked ”Do you have it worse than Richard the Mole Guy” and he thinks they found two guys who did.
The guys talked about how hot Kayden was and how she was almost Barbie Doll perfect. Gary said even he wanted one of her movies. He said that he asked Paul for some of her movies and he thought he was asking for the guys in the contest.
Benjy asked why anyone would buy a DVD now because you can get so much free on the internet. Benjy said there’s a site called SpankWire and you can get a ton of free stuff there. Gary asked how you get this stuff free. Benjy said that it’s like YouTube but with porn. They spent a short time talking about that but Gary said that he likes the DVD over the internet stuff. Gary said that the quality is better and you have the controls over it.
Benjy said that the DVD is a lot of work. Gary said that he was getting into a weird area with the whole DVD thing so it is easier for him to do the internet stuff now.
Jon asked Will if he understood what Peter was saying at all. Will said that the day he started to put the game together he got the call from him and it was like a sign from god. He said he ended up talking to his buddy who helped put it all together.
Gary talked about the first time he spoke to Elephant Boy and how he spoke to him for like 60 seconds. Gary said he thought he had Down Syndrome the first time and didn’t’ think he could put him on the air like that. His buddy told him it wasn’t like that and they eventually got him on the show.
Jon took a call from Brent from Bubba the Love Sponge’s show who said that you can’t copyright porn. He said that’s why it’s on the web free. Brent said that he can’t copyright a term like ”Toys for Tits” and he knows that since he tried to do that. Benjy asked why they don’t just reissue stuff then. Brent said that they do.
Gary asked if he could just copy and put out the movies on his own. Brent said that you basically could do that but you need to have some paperwork on file before you do something like that. He said that’s why Max Hardcore is in jail right now.
Gary said that Brent was in an accident the other night. Brent said that he’s doing okay but his wife is in pretty bad shape. He said that he hydroplaned in the freeway and his wife isn’t able to move her neck right now. He said it was really scary. Jon let him go and said he’d be seeing him at the holiday party that Howard is throwing for everyone.
Jon moved on to talk about the Sybian Ride that Kayden did. He said that he’s never seen the guys move so fast when she said that she would do it. Gary said they have it down to a science now. They got that thing set up quick.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that the show was great today with that contest. He was also saying that he could hang Howard’s TV for him. Gary said he’s pretty sure he doesn’t want a guy coming down from Ontario to hang his TV.
Another caller said the contest was great today and Kayden sounded hot. He said maybe they could get her to give the losers a lap dance or something. Gary said they really didn’t think it through that far and it’s too late to do anything now.
Another caller asked how come thy didn’t find someone to just fuck the winner like they did with Jeff the Drunk. Gary said that’s not what the contest was about. They were looking to give away a trip to the AVN Awards and not trying to get someone banged.
The caller said that he’d like Howard to get rid of Jackie from the channel. He said he can’t even stand his commercials. Gary said he’d let Howard know.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that he thinks that Howard and Gary fight so much because they’re so completely different. Gary said that they don’t bicker that much but they do see things differently.
The caller also said that Eric the Midget is a little asshole. Gary said he has to cut back on emailing Eric back. He said that he just couldn’t help it though. Gary said that he’s worried about Eric spending money on suing him because there’s no way he’s going to win. Gary said that Johnny Fratto has let him know he’s not going to fund any lawsuits that Eric has in mind. Gary said Johnny also told him that after hearing Eric’s math last week, he now knows why he was billed so much by Eric.
A caller said that he cried today during the virgin contest. He said that he felt so good about what they did for those guys today. Gary said that if Eric was nicer he could have been in this contest today. Then he wondered if Eric is still a virgin if he paid for sex. Will said maybe not technically.
The guys ended up talking about Extreme Makeover where they make over people’s homes and how the people end up losing even more because they can’t keep up with taxes and stuff. Gary said he’s read a few stories about that where people have gone into even more debt after being helped with the new home.
Jon brought up how Peter was asked about what jerking off was and he didn’t seem to know what they were referring to. The guys figured that maybe he does it but doesn’t know that it’s called jerking off.
Will said Sal and Richard did a quiz with Peter after the show and they couldn’t tell if he was getting the answers right or not. They had to go to break after that.
Wrap Up Show – Scott And Ronnie’s Vegas Trip. 12/10/09. 11:45am
After the break Jon brought up the big Vegas trip that Scott and Ronnie are going on. He asked if Scott shaved his head for the trip. Will thought that he had shaved it there at first but then said he looked closer and it looked like he hadn’t done it yet.
Jon said that this is the third of 3 appearances that Scott is making. He asked if that’s going to be his big finale. Scott said that he thinks it’s the finale. He said he’d talk to them about it if they want him back. He said that they agreed to do 3 appearances so that’s what he did.
Gary said he can see Scott fucking up the deal by doubling his fee. Scott said that they’ve been amazing to him and they just upgraded him to first class and stuff like that without asking.
Scott said that he got his seat on the flight and he will be able to come back on time. Jon asked if he’s worried about Ronnie stealing his thunder when he’s at Rick’s out there. Scott said they’re just going out to have a good time and he’s not worried.
Scott said his birthday is on Saturday and he’s really looking forward to it. He said he’s turning 57. Benjy asked if Scott and Ronnie are talking about the kind of money they’re making out there. Scott said that he’s being taken care of very nicely and he’s got no complaints. Scott said that Mike Gange is going to be out there too.
Gary said that he used to be the Rick’s guy and he must have gotten cut out of it. Gary said that they must have figured out that they can get Ronnie cheaper and now he’s out.
Jon asked if Scott has anything special planned out there this time. Scott said he doesn’t know what they’re going to be doing. He said that the DJ out there, DJ Hollywood, is going to be doing his thing. Will said that Scott is an idiot for not knowing the guy’s real name.
Jon pointed out that his birthday is this weekend about 20 times. Scott said that he’s going to see Train on Saturday, which is his birthday, and he’s going to have a great time out there. He also said that he hasn’t shaved his head but he will rush home to do that today.
Benjy asked if he’s going to the Red Rooster out there. That’s a swingers club out there. Scott said his swinging days are over.
A caller asked Gary about doing a radio show there and if he would replace Howard. Gary said that he’s not going to be replacing Howard. The caller said that they could do a show talking about Howard and Gary knows Howard better than anyone. Gary said he knows him well but he can’t do a show like he does. Gary said maybe they could do a show called ”What Would Howard Do?”
Jon took another call from a guy who asked if they think that JD’s anxiety is coming from him not having a job in a year. Gary said they don’t know if they’re going to have a job next year. He said he’s not sure if that’s what JD is upset about. The caller said there is a good chance that they won’t have a job next year. Gary said that there are 90 people there and no one else is having anxiety. Gary asked Will if he’s having any. Will said that he’s much more mentally strong than JD. He said he is feeling some anxiety but it’s still a year away.
The guys said that they’re hoping that Howard has an answer for them soon so they can start looking for jobs if they need to. Gary said that it could take 6 months to find a job. Will said he’s hoping by June they’ll know. Jon said that would be nice. He said everyone is going to have to do what they have to do. Will said that if Howard does come back that doesn’t mean that everyone else will come back.
The caller said that he thinks that Artie won’t be coming back next time if Howard does come back. The guy said that SIRIUS is going to tank if Howard doesn’t come back and he knows that. He said that Howard is carrying SIRIUS and he knows that they’re going to tank if he leaves. The guy said that no one is signing on to the service for anything other than Howard. Jon said it was tough to argue with him because he seems to know everything. They had to end the show after that.