Jerry Seinfeld

Howard came back asking if Steven Tyler was going to be on American Idol or not. It wasn’t really clear if he was or not. Howard said that Gary has a surprise call for them. Robin wanted to guess who it was. She said it was Joe Rogan. Gary said that he’s so much funnier than Joe Rogan. Howard asked if it was Jerry Seinfeld. It was.

Jerry said that it was a fantastic feeling being back on the show. Jerry said that you go on Howard when you’re on your way up and then when you’re on your way down. Howard said that it’s great to hear from him. He has seen him a few times out at some events. One of them was at the Transcendental Meditation thing. He said he also saw him doing the thing at the White House. He said that must have been pretty wild. Jerry said it was pretty scary and it was strange having Paul McCartney sitting right in front of him.

Howard asked Jerry if he writes all of his material himself. Jerry asked what he thinks he does. Howard said he thinks he writes it all. Jerry said that’s what he does. He said it was a very cool thing to be able to do that.

Howard said Jerry seems to be retired in a way. Jerry said that he doesn’t want to work anymore. Howard said he still goes out and does stand-up though. Jerry said that he does. Howard told Jerry that he doesn’t want to work anymore either. He said he can’t even write the foreword for Greg Fitzsimmons book. He said he just can’t do it. Jerry said he gets that. He said he’d have to put in a solid 30 minutes writing something like that.

Howard asked Jerry about doing the sitcom and how he’d never want to do that again. Howard said his father loves the show. Jerry said this is why he’s on the show today. He said Spike Feresten told him about how he had to go back on the show. That’s why he’s on today.

Howard said his father knows the show like the bible. He said it’s almost biblical to him. Howard asked Jerry about the deal he had on Seinfeld because he read he makes a ridiculous amount of money from syndication. Howard asked if that’s true. Jerry said he’s not sure exactly but he’s fine with money at this point. He said he buys old sports cars with that money. He said he lives in a nice house and he just lives like Howard does.

Howard asked if he invests at all. Jerry said he doesn’t invest in stocks. He said he has it in bonds or something. He said he’s pretty safe with his money. Howard asked what he bought yesterday. Jerry said that you can easily ruin your fun if you buy too much stuff. He said you can get bored.

Howard said he and Jerry had a discussion once and it was about marriage. They were at the gym and Jerry wasn’t married yet. Howard said he was with Beth and Jerry said to him that he doesn’t understand marriage. He said Jerry couldn’t comprehend why anyone would get married and then a month later he got married. Jerry said it was a very rapid maturation process. He said he got back to New York and did everything he wanted to do and he figured he was bored because his life wasn’t evolving. He said he met this girl, Jessica, who is now his wife. He said they had dinner with her. Howard said that they never reciprocated and had them over to Jerry’s house.

Jerry said that it’s a slow maturation process when you’re a comedian. He said when he was 40 he felt 26 in his head. He said it all came about very quickly. Howard said Jerry took himself out of the game. Jerry said this is the greatest thing and he’s enjoying it. Robin said that he’s an authority on being married and being a father.

Jerry said he can speak with authority about being single and being married. Howard asked if he does a lot of babysitting. Jerry said he has an office he goes to and he hangs out with Colin Quinn a lot. He said that his one man show is still running on 45 Bleecker. He said he loves to help out guys like that who are great and weren’t able to climb their way through the system. Howard told him to help out Greg Fitzsimmons.

Howard asked Jerry what he does to stay busy. Jerry said he still writes stand-up material. Howard asked how he memorizes that stuff. Jerry said that this is like speaking to his uncle on a weekend. He couldn’t believe that Howard was asking him about that.

Howard asked what Jerry was up to now. Jerry said he was at home in his gym. He said he lifts weights and stuff like that. He gave up riding his bicycle. He said he doesn’t run either. Howard said he still runs. Howard asked jerry what else he will do today. Jerry laughed and said he has the same kind of questions for Paul McCartney when he met him. He said he wants to know what people do.

Howard said everyone wants to know what Jerry is doing. Jerry said that it’s the same stuff he’s always done. He said after the show was done he had to do regular stuff. He said he had to just go back to doing what he originally did. That’s why he moved back to New York and worked on the new act and all of that. He said the family thing was new territory for him but that’s working out fine.

Howard asked about going to the office and what he does up there. Jerry said that everyone bothers him up there and that’s what it’s all about. Howard asked if the sex life is still good. He said it is. Howard said it does change though. Jerry sarcastically said it all stays the same forever.

Jerry asked Howard about Beth not wanting kids. Howard said she’s 37 and she still has time but she’s not interested. Howard said he’s had kids already and he wouldn’t be able to do it again. He wants to know how Jerry feels about it. He said it’s a lot of work. Jerry said that he doesn’t have to ask him about it because he knows already. Jerry said that it’s better when you’re older because no one expects you to help. He said that you don’t think about other things in life either so you have it all figured out already. He said there are no more surprises and you just enjoy how funny these little people are.

Howard said Jerry is helping out with Colin Quinn and working with Larry David on ”Curb Your Enthusiasm.” Jerry said he and Larry David are still very close. He said they talk on the phone a lot. He said he hangs out with a lot of comedians too.

Howard said he talks to some of Jerry’s friends and they’re always hanging out with them. He said fucking Jerry never invites him over. Jerry said he doesn’t appreciate the language. Howard said he curse a lot.

Jerry asked Howard about what he’s going to be doing after his contract is up. Howard said he loves it there but he’s not sure if he’ll stay. He said he will continue on doing something on a more limited basis but it may or may not be there. Howard said he has a few more months left there and then he’ll figure out what he’s going to do.

Howard said he and Jerry are the same age. Jerry was guessing that he was younger but they’re both 56. Howard said he appreciates Jerry calling in. He gave him a plug for the ”Long Story Short” show that Colin Quinn does. He said that Jerry produced and directed the show. Jerry said he told Colin he should do this show and it has worked out. He said HBO has bought the show so it was a fantastic summer doing that. You can find out more at ColinQuinnLongStoryShort.com.

Jerry asked Robin how she was doing. Robin said she’s doing fine. Howard said she needs a man. Jerry said that’s not his field. He said that his wife has put together some people that have ended up getting married. He said she has a talent for that. Robin told him to throw her name out there.

Jerry said that he’s got some other things in the works right now. He said he’s staying busy. Robin asked how he drives all of his cars. Jerry said it’s like Robin with her shoes. He said you just look at them and ask yourself what you feel like driving. Jerry said he enjoys the car thing and a lot of people like that. He said he has more than he needs. Howard said he shouldn’t be ashamed. Jerry said Howard has just as much money as him. Howard said Jerry has way more than he does based on what he’s reading. Howard said Jerry doesn’t even have to show up to a job. Jerry said the stuff you read is always inflated.

Howard asked Jerry who he has out to his house. He said that he and Matthew Broderick go out for coffee out there in the Hamptons. Howard said he gets weirded out by Jerry when he’s talking to him. He said that he’s afraid that he’s going to see him doing something. Jerry said he always enjoyed doing the show years ago when he was on.

Howard said he thought Jay Leno kind of crossed Jerry. He said that they wanted to use the Tonight Show set on Seinfeld and Jay said no. Jerry said that was a Helen Kushnick thing. Howard said he’s surprised that he let Jay off the hook on that. Jerry said that you have to forgive people. He asked how you can go through life not forgiving. Jerry said he loves everybody. He said he loves Jay and he loves David Letterman too.

Howard said he’s not friends with Jay anymore. He told Jerry that Jay hired Stuttering John and he was happy for John getting that job. He said that Jay didn’t tell him he was going to do this. He went behind his back and did it. He said he called Jay out on that and he said he wasn’t friends with him anymore. He said that was it. He said he feels the same way now and he wants Jerry to do the same thing. Howard said John isn’t even on camera anymore. He’s still a writer.

Jerry asked if they still do the madness on the show they used to do. Howard said of course they do. The people demand it. Jerry said he may start listening again now that he has a car with satellite in it.

Howard asked Jerry about the Emmys but Jerry said he didn’t watch. Robin said she wanted to ask about Michael Richards. Howard said he had some thoughts on him first. He said he feels that Richards is a very talented guy and he got kind of lost after Seinfeld. He went out and did stand-up but that’s not his thing. He was bombing and he started to yell out the N-word to be outrageous. Jerry said he made a bad choice to do that. He said he’s funny doing stand-up but it’s not an act that he could do every night. Jerry said Michael thought it would be funny and it didn’t go over very well. He said he might be afraid to be untethered on stage anymore. He said Michael is upset with himself over that whole thing. Jerry said that looking at people and wondering what they think of you can be torture. Howard said that he should have brought him to the White House with him. Jerry laughed.

Jerry said Michael is now doing photography and not stand-up anymore. Howard said photography is safe. He said he needs to make it up to black people though. They did make fun of it on Curb Your Enthusiasm a little bit. Howard said Michael has to rebuild New Orleans to make it up to the black people.

Howard asked Jerry about being friends with Madonna. Jerry said his wife is friendly with her and she’s over at the house once in a while. Gary asked Jerry about the Lady Gaga incident too. Jerry said he really doesn’t have a problem with her. He said he wasn’t upset with the whole thing like they made it out.

Howard asked Jerry if he saw Gary’s pitch at the Mets game. Jerry said he did not. Howard wrapped up with Jerry and gave him some more plugs and then let him go. Jerry said he really didn’t come on just to plug that stuff. He said he was just calling in to say hi. He said they’re on the ins again so they’re not on the outs.

Howard said he has run into Jerry a few times and he is in awe of his stand-up. He said he’s so funny and relaxed.

Howard took a call from a guy who said that Jerry was great on the show. He also asked about a scene in Howard’s movie ”Private Parts” where he quit his job when he was a country DJ. He was wondering how accurate it was. Howard said it was pretty accurate.

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