Jesse Ventura on Howard Stern (American Conspiracies)

Howard came back and had Jesse Ventura come in. Howard said he’s out promoting a new book (American Conspiracies: Lies, Lies, and More Dirty Lies that the Government Tells Us). Jesse told Howard that he went from December 31st until just a couple of nights ago not watching TV. He said it felt great too. He said he doesn’t even go on the internet. He said he listens to SIRIUS radio though. Robin asked what it is that’s wrong with TV. Jesse said you get addicted to it and you can’t go a day without looking at it. Howard said he agrees. He said he TiVo’s a lot of shows. He said he used to watch Lost and he had to stop. He said he just heard that they don’t have an ending for the show at all. Howard said they didn’t think a thing through on that show. He said you sit and watch and waste time with that stuff. He said he has freed up hours of time every week now that he’s stopped watching that and Heroes.

Jesse said he had to give up watching The Young and the Restless for 2 months. He said that he was addicted to that show. He said he hated it but then he got addicted to it in his wrestling days.

Howard asked Jesse if he started to go through withdrawals. He said he did and he started reading instead. Jesse said he has read 10 books in the past few months. He said that one year he read 17 and that was more than he read in school.

Jesse told Howard that he doesn’t even have newspapers down there in Mexico where they live. He said he doesn’t even have electricity. He has solar power but it’s not on the grid.

Howard asked what the best books were that he read during the past few months. Jesse said there was a book about the assassination of JFK that he read that was very good. It was by Fletcher Prouty (JFK: The CIA, Vietnam, and the Plot to Assassinate John F. Kennedy). He said that the guy tells you exactly what went down and it was stunning to him. He said Oliver North wrote the opening of the book and it was very good. He told Howard the details of the story and why he liked the book so much.

Howard asked Jesse if he ever reads a book just for fun. Jesse said he doesn’t like fiction so he doesn’t read those kind of things.

Howard asked Jesse if he misses shows like the Academy Awards. Jesse said he saw some of the show on Sunday night when he got into town. He said he didn’t have to flip it on but he hadn’t had a remote in his hands for months. He said he turned the TV off when he went to sleep.

Howard told Jesse what he thought of the women at the awards and how horrible they looked. Jesse said that you never see anyone wearing that crap on the street either. Howard asked him about how the young women pull their hair into buns and what’s up with that. Jesse didn’t know either. Howard said that Miley Cyrus was looking too old too.

Howard told Jesse that The Hurt Locker is right up Jesse’s alley. Jesse hadn’t seen it yet so Howard told him what the movie was about. He said that they show that war is addictive. Jesse agreed with that. He said there were people who did many years in the service. He said he knew one guy who did 20 years and he told him that he wasn’t good in peace time so he had to get out. He needed to fight or he had to get out. He said that things are actually better in the service when war is going on because they don’t get on you about your hair not being cut or your boots not being tied correctly. When war is over that’s when they start giving people a hard time.

Howard asked Jesse about the Don’t ask Don’t Tell rules being dropped. Jesse aid that he’s all for anyone who is willing to fight for this country. He said that he’ll go right up to any gay man or woman and shake their hand if they want to fight.

Howard and Jesse talked more about the Hurt Locker. Jesse asked if it was as good as Full Metal Jacket. Howard and Robin said it was. They ended up talking about that movie a little bit. Jesse said he felt that movie was very accurate and it felt like real war.

Howard asked Jesse about Governor Patterson and how they’re trying to get him out of office. Howard said they’re trying to get him thrown out for accepting free Yankee tickets. Jesse said there has to be more to it than that. Howard said there was some other stuff like one of his staff members allegedly beating his wife and after Patterson called her, she dropped the charges. Howard said there is some controversy over that stuff.

Howard mentioned Richard Nixon during the governor discussion and Jesse said that you have to read his book because Nixon may have been set up. Jesse told Howard what he has in the book about Nixon and the conspiracy theory that the CIA may have set it up and allowed themselves to get caught. He had some interesting stuff about G. Gordon Liddy admitting to some stuff about Watergate and how it was about as accurate as a flat world map.

Jesse said they built this book on facts too. He said they have all of the paperwork to prove it. Jesse and Howard spent a short time going over the details of that conspiracy theory. Jesse was saying that the reason Kennedy was assassinated is because the country wanted to go to war and Kennedy was trying to stop it. He said that Linden Johnson also reversed Kennedy’s Viet Nam plans and dedicated more people to the war.

Jesse also had some thoughts about how there was a second shooter for Kennedy and how there is a missing bullet. Jesse had a lot of details about how that would have worked and how there had to have been a second shooter.

Howard said they will never know the whole truth about that. He said it’s all speculation. Howard said that he was watching TV the other day and saw that Coca Cola was promoting healthy hearts but they sell chemicals in their sugar water. Howard said that’s a conspiracy about that. Jesse said that he agrees with Howard on that. He said that they should have warnings at McDonald’s too. He said that stuff will kill you in 30 days and cigarettes take 30 years but they still have warnings on them.

Howard said that he knows people who at that shitty food and they had a woman on the show yesterday who was saying she still eats McDonald’s even after she had surgery to lose weight. He said her health insurance covered that and it pisses him off that he’s paying for that.

Howard and Jesse also talked about the rules for corporations being allowed to donate to politicians. They went over that for a minute.

Howard asked Jesse if he still believes there is global warming. Jesse said he does and he doesn’t like the solution because it’s not going to help. He said it’s just going to cost money and they’re using it as an excuse to create a world government. He said he’s upset about the solution because it’s just not going to work.

Howard asked Jesse if he heard them talking about Hulk Hogan earlier. Jesse said he did and he thought that Hulk was out of wrestling based on that book he came out with. Jesse said that he walked away from wrestling in 1990 and never looked back. He said he could never go back.

Jesse admitted that he had watched the Super Bowl during that time he took off from watching TV. He said ”football don’t count” when it comes to watching TV.

Howard was also talking to Jesse about YouTube and how they get away with stealing content. Jesse said they can’t regulate the internet but he agrees that they should be getting the rights and paying for stuff that’s copyrighted.

Jesse told Howard that he thinks that we will have a major confrontation with Iran in the next couple of years. Howard had asked about them becoming a nuclear country and that’s why he was talking about that.

Howard asked about Sarah Palin and what he thinks about her. Jesse said that she was not qualified to be Vice President when she was running. He said that if she had finished her four years as governor then he would have said that she would have been qualified. He thinks that they were trying to get the female vote and that’s why they picked her.

Howard told Jesse that he doesn’t like Sarah Palin but he does want to fuck her. Jesse said he doesn’t want to fuck her but his wife looks kind of like her and he does like it when she puts on those glasses that she wears. Jesse said that he misses his wife and he’s really going to miss her for two weeks while he’s away. He said that she does Yoga and she trains very hard to stay in shape.

Jesse told Howard that the older he gets the more he’s attracted to older women. He said that he looks at the younger women and he thinks of them as kids. Howard said that sounds healthy to him. He asked how he has fun with his wife. Jesse said that she’s fun so he doesn’t know what it’s like to have someone who isn’t fun.

Howard asked how old a woman would have to be for him to date. Jesse said they’d have to be 30 or above. He said he couldn’t sleep with someone in their 20s. He said they wouldn’t have anything in common.

Jesse said he doesn’t even see his wife aging. He said that he sees the woman he met 35 years ago. He said that he’s not sure what he’d do if she died.

Howard asked Jesse when he was seriously tempted to cheat on his wife. Jesse said that he can’t even recall. He told Howard that you’re only tempted if you put yourself in a position to be tempted. He said he doesn’t go out at night or anything like that. He said that he will stay inside when he goes on trips. He said he won’t put himself in that position of danger.

Howard said that guys don’t look at the guilt of what they’re doing and how they’re going to lose everything if they do that kind of thing. Robin said that he’s basically saying that they’re stupid. Jesse said when he moved to Mexico he didn’t want to go after the dollar anymore and he wouldn’t want to lose his wife and half his money doing some kind of bullshit like that.

Howard asked if his wife annoys him at all. Jesse said that they all do that at times. He said that she’s a ”hider” and she hides stuff that he can’t find. Howard asked what it was that she hid on him. He said she’s an obsessive cleaner and she constantly hides stuff from him. He said he still loves her though.

Howard gave Jesse a plug for his book ”American Conspiracies: Lies, Lies, and More Dirty Lies that the Government Tells Us” and talked about the conspiracy thing. Howard said he doesn’t believe that people are that planned out and they couldn’t come up with this stuff. Howard said that he was part of a conspiracy once and he pulled it off. Jesse asked what it was. Howard said he sat down with Ivan Reitman and a writer for his movie. He said that they had the movie pretty figured out but they had to figure out how to make it work for women. He said that they had to figure out how to manipulate women into liking it. He said they had to make it acceptable to women. He said they had 3 or 4 scenes that would make women respond. Howard said they were able to do that. He said they weren’t harming anyone by doing that though. He said there may be people out there who do stuff like that to harm though.

Howard asked Jesse if he heard this theory that the geese that flew into the plane that Sully was flying were trained by Al Queda. Jesse laughed. Howard said the whale that ate the woman the other day was another conspiracy. Jesse said he can defend his theories. He said that the geese thing can’t be for real. Howard said that’s on the internet. Jesse told him that he can take that to the bank then.

Howard asked Jesse if he thinks that Obama is going to see another term. Jesse said he thinks that he will do another term. He said that he should be able to win back a lot of nay sayers. He said he’s the best talker since John F. Kennedy. Jesse told Howard that Hawaii has state run health care and they’re doing just fine with it. Howard said Rush Limbaugh was talking about how great it was until he found out it was state run.

Howard asked Jesse if the thinks that American Idol is fixed. Jesse said he doesn’t know. He doesn’t watch that stuff.

Howard gave Jesse a plug for a book signing he’s doing. Jesse said he won’t be shaking hands this time. He said he got sick for 5 days the last time he was out shaking hands. Jesse said he doesn’t want to get sick again. Howard said maybe it was the CIA that got him sick by making people shake his hand. Howard said that they have to stop the hand shaking thing. He said he’s constantly using Purell. Howard asked where that whole hand shaking thing came from. Jesse said he’d like to know where ties came from. He talked about how ridiculous they are. Howard said that he got made fun of for wearing a scarf the other day and a tie is just as wacky.

Howard said he never wears a tie. Jesse said he wore a tie when he was Governor but not anymore. He said that it was protocol at the time so that’s why he did it when he was governor. He said he had to learn that he was the guy representing the state at the time. Jesse said he now just wears a jacket with a t-shirt under it. Howard said that’s what he does when he goes out too.

Jesse said he hasn’t worn a suit since he got out of the service. He said that he will wear a nice jacket but he doesn’t let anyone tell him what to wear anymore. He said that he still wears some of his pins and stuff from the service. He said that he has those pins tattooed on his body too. He said he didn’t do that until he was 50.

Howard said that they had this over/under thing for Jesse mentioning the Navy Seals thing and he didn’t bring it up all that many times today. He came right in at 5 which was the over/under number.

Howard asked Jesse if he’s doing movies anymore. Jesse said he did one with the Wachowski brothers but they’re not even brothers anymore. He said that one of them has become Lana. Howard asked if he looks like a dude in a dress. Jesse said that he looks feminine but not like a pretty woman. Howard asked if he came on to him at all. Jesse said he didn’t. Howard asked if Jesse thinks that he’s a handsome man. He said he doesn’t think he’s ugly but he doesn’t think that he’s that handsome.

Jesse told Howard that he’s not sure what this movie is going to be about. He said there was no script and there was no story. He said that they made him up to look really odd and it’s supposed to be 100 years in the future. He said they had him talking about the current war in Iraq and he was doing it while looking like a maniac. He said that it took 2 hours to make him up in this make up. He said he doesn’t even know what the movie is going to be about but he got paid to do it. He said that Michael Cain has said that he does the best he can and he doesn’t take the blame for the movie if it sucks.

Jesse said that they had Lana questioning him and he was being asked these questions by a woman who used to be a man. He said he can’t wait to see how this movie turns out. Howard and Jesse spent a few more minutes talking about that sex change thing.

Howard said that they had this Toula come on the show. He said that she was a James Bond girl but she used to be a man. Howard said that he had her on the show and she tried to grab his knob and he got a little bit hard. He said he didn’t get fully hard. He said he’s not sure he could have sex but he may have taken a hand job. Jesse said that he could do that himself though.

Howard gave Jesse some more plugs for some appearances he’s making to sign his book. He’s going to be all over New York and New Jersey signing books. He asked that people not ask to shake his hand because he got sick last time. Howard told him to carry around that Purell stuff like he does. Jesse said he’s not that well thought out. He does wear a fanny pack so he could carry it around. He said it usually has a 9mm in it. Jesse said he has a concealed carry license so he can carry it in some states. He said in Minnesota he can carry but he’s not sure if he can carry in New York.

Howard asked what he carries. He said he carries a 9mm with black talon bullets in it. He said those bullets were outlawed and he went down and cleared the shelves at the gun shop.

Howard asked Jesse if he has ever killed a man. Jesse said he won’t answer that because it’s a very personal question. Howard said he assumes that he has killed someone while he was in the military. Jesse said that you just don’t ask a man about that. Howard said he would brag if he killed anyone. Jesse told him he really wouldn’t. Howard said that he tells stories even though he was never even there.

Howard asked Jesse why he can’t ask a guy if he killed someone. Jesse said it’s an inappropriate thing to ask. Howard said he’s heard that from other vets. Jesse said his father never spoke a word about that stuff. He said he was a vet and he wouldn’t talk about it.

Howard and Jesse were talking about working out and Jesse told Howard he shouldn’t be running. He said he had his hip replaced and his doctor says that anyone over 40 shouldn’t be running. He said the pounding is no good for you. Howard bragged that he can bench 95 pounds. Jesse asked if he was kidding. Howard said he wasn’t.

Howard told Jesse to come hang out with him in the Hamptons sometime. Jesse said he will do that as long as he gives him a day to hang. Jesse said that people always tell him how great they are on the air when he comes on the show. Jesse told Howard that he is a great interviewer and he understands that he doesn’t have to be the star anymore. He said Howard makes him the star and he brings himself along for the ride. Howard said his ego isn’t so big that he has to take the show away from him.

Howard said the Governor has spoken for over an hour and now he has to go out and sign some books. Jesse said he’s going to be there at SIRIUS all day long doing interviews.

Robin asked what they can do about the conspiracy theories. Jesse said that it’s just about not being bullshitted and he wants people to know about what’s going on. Howard asked if the Chilean earthquake was just an earthquake. Jesse said when he heard that the tsunami was coming he almost ran home to get his surf board that day.

One comment

  1. What genuinely moved u to publish “Jesse Ventura on Howard Stern (American Conspiracies) | wcqj.
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