Ryan came in so Howard asked him if he wanted to hear Hanzi. Ryan said he wanted to hear him actually. He was amused by the snoring. Howard asked Ryan about the tattoos he had. Ryan said they airbrush all of that out in the movies now.
Howard asked Ryan if he was in drama club or anything. Ryan said he wasn’t. Howard said that when Ryan was on last he wasn’t this bulked up. Ryan said he really hasn’t. He said he does train a lot and he’s eating better now. He said he must have lost the fat. He runs a lot too. Howard wondered why Ryan looks that good doing the same stuff he does. Howard said he’s benching 95 pounds. He asked Ryan what he does. Ryan said he got up to 205 not too long ago.
Ryan said it’s really great to be on the show. Howard said it’s great to have him there and he thanked him for hanging out with JD. He asked Ryan about the depression he has and Ryan said that he could relate to Artie’s depression. Howard asked if that’s what broke them up. Ryan said that wasn’t it.
Howard said that Ryan was dating this Abbie Cornish chick. Ryan brought up how the butcher his name on the show but he does love that he’s part of the Howard Stern world. He said that he’s doing Saturday Night Live this week and he heard Don Pardo butcher his name this week when they mentioned he was coming up next week. Ryan told Howard the correct pronunciation.
Howard asked Ryan how he and Abbie announced their break up in the press. Ryan said that came as a complete surprise to him when she announced it. He said that she blamed it on her publicist but the publicist always checks with the person before they put that out there. Howard said that she was making sure people knew that she broke up with Ryan and not the other way around. Ryan said that he’s tired of getting shit on and he’s not sure why that goes on. He said that people break up all the time and he gets shit on when it happens.
Howard asked Ryan about the kids he has with Reese. Ryan brought up Benjy and his Wikipedia page editing. They talked about that weird situation and how they found out that Benjy had edited Reese’s page. Benjy didn’t have much to add to that.
Howard asked how often he gets his kids. Reese said that they’re great friends and great co-parents. Howard asked if Jake Gyllenhaal is a cool guy around the kids. He said he knew he was cool already. Howard asked about the new guy she’s with. Ryan said he has to trust her judgment and he does.
Robin asked when Ryan decides to introduce a girl to his kids. Howard said it must be tough because he dates like a mother fucker. Ryan said he really doesn’t. Howard said he had a list of girls he has dated. Ryan said that they’ve done this before and most of them aren’t even true. Hanzi’s snoring could still be heard in the background as this was going on.
Howard asked Ryan if he wants to have more kids. Ryan said he loves kids so he wouldn’t say no. Howard said Ryan is a good looking guy and even he’s attracted to him.
Howard said that JD brought Ashley Dupre to Ryan’s house and he was making out with some goth chick. Ryan said that wasn’t true either. JD came in and said that he didn’t screw up Ryan’s last name. He said it right when he came in. He had said that Ryan’s house wasn’t that nice when he was there. He said it was just alright.
Ryan also said that JD said that his girl wasn’t that hot but she was gorgeous. Howard said JD can never say anything is great. He said he seems to be unavailable emotionally. He said he’ll just say it’s alright no matter how great or bad something is.
Howard said that JD has no game at all. Ryan said that the helicopter ride wasn’t a great idea. He said he wanted to tell JD that when he came up with the idea. Howard said that Ryan has a rap and he sees why he’s a movie star. He said that he’s prettier than most women. Howard said he thinks about guys like Paul Newman when he sees Ryan. Howard said he can see why it’s easy for him to get this gorgeous goth chick. Ryan said he’s just enjoying where he’s at right now. He said he’s enjoying being single.
Howard asked if the goth chick thinks she’s exclusive with him. He said that she probably does but he can’t just go out and cheat on her. He said that it’s all in its infancy right now. He said he commits to a girl and goes all in if he’s interested. Howard asked if the break ups happen face to face. Ryan said they do.
Ryan asked to get back to JD. Howard got back to him and said that JD showed up to his house with Ashley Dupre and he really doesn’t think he’s getting anywhere with her. JD said he knows he’s not. Ryan said that JD showed up drunk and he had said he didn’t know how to use chop sticks and JD spent an hour at the table trying to figure out how to use them. Howard said that Ashley was probably in the bedroom blowing Ryan while JD was doing that.
Ryan said that the date was for a movie promotion and JD knew nothing was going to happen with Ashley. He said he just wanted to help him out. He said that everyone loves JD and all of his buddies were like JD when he was growing up. He was trying to help him show off or something. Howard said he thinks that JD should have gone to a burn unit at a hospital or something like that instead.
Howard said it was very nice of Ryan to help JD out. He asked who else was hanging out there. Ryan said his girl’s friend was over and some other actors were hanging out. JD mentioned that Breckin Meyer was going to show up but they left before he came. Howard didn’t know who the guy was so Ryan told him what movies he’s been in and who he was. Howard just goofed on the way JD said his name.
Howard asked JD if he’s going to go see Ryan at SNL this week. Ryan said he’d bring him to the after party. JD said he likes one of the girls on the show. That was Abbie Elliot. Ryan said he could introduce them at the party. Howard said he read that Ryan dated her. Ryan said that wasn’t true.
Ryan asked Howard if he had gone out to L.A. this weekend. Howard said that’s not happening until May. He said he’s going to go to Jimmy Kimmel’s place for a barbecue. He said Ryan should come to that and bring one of those hot chicks with him.
Howard said he had a list of women that Ryan has been seen with. He read about some of those women and Ryan said that these stories are all crazy. He said he hadn’t met Jessica Simpson and he wasn’t with Jennifer Love Hewitt like they were claiming. Howard read that he was seen flirting with Lindsay Lohan. Ryan said no way to that too. Howard said that he was mad at that. Ryan said he’s really not that kind of guy. He said if they had something real in there he would tell him.
Howard read that Ryan had auditioned for the part of Captain America. Ryan said that he did that and they didn’t want him. He thought about how Howard would have loved it if he had played the part. Howard said he probably would have.
Howard said Ryan is in this new ”MacGruber” movie. Ryan said that it’s based on the SNL bit but it has nothing to do with that. He said that it’s a hard R rating and there’s a lot of nudity in it. He said that the sketch on the show is much different than what the movie is. Ryan said the movie has the edge to it like the bits they do on the show. Ryan said that the initial pitch for the character was that he was MacGyver’s brother who only used shit and pubic hair to do everything that MacGyver does. Ryan said he plays the sidekick to MacGruber. He said that the nudity in the movie is a lot of dudes. He said they have some really funny stuff and he is nude himself. He said that there’s one scene that will probably haunt him the rest of his career.
Howard asked Ryan if he thinks about his ass before he does a scene. Ryan said they do ask if you have any marks on there that they need to cover up. Howard said his own ass is funny just to look at.
Howard said he thought that Ryan had hosted SNL before. Ryan said he was on one with Reese when she hosted but he’s never hosted the show himself. He said the one he did with Reese was the first one after 9/11.
Howard asked Ryan if he and Reese ever have sex anymore. Ryan laughed and said no. Howard said that does happen with some couples. Ryan said he’s sure it does but not with him and Reese.
Howard asked Ryan about how hard it is to do movies and stay in a relationship. Ryan said he’s a jealous person so it’s a hard thing for him. Howard said he would have banged Reese if he had worked with her. Howard said even a good looking guy like Ryan has to worry and he loves that.
Howard asked Ryan if he has a small penis. Ryan said he thinks that he’s doing fine. Howard said he wishes that it was small. Ryan said it’s not small.
Ryan joked about how he had taken a shit in the special bathroom back in their compound. He said it’s really not very special. He said they have the tickle chair in there. Howard said he’s not into tickling anymore. Ryan asked if they’re going to retire the Sybian now too. Howard said he’s not going to do that. He said he may do that creepy voice when he has girls on it now though.
Howard asked Ryan who he was jealous of working with Reese. Howard took a guess saying it was Joaquin Phoenix. Ryan said he was a really nice guy so it wasn’t him. He said that he actually went to a dinner with him and a bunch of other celebrities at a Bill Clinton function.
Howard asked Ryan about who he was jealous of. Ryan said he didn’t want to talk about it but then he said that this one guy did an interview where he said that when he saw Reese for the first time he knew he was going to marry her some day. Ryan said that guy was basically saying that he was in love with his wife. He said that wasn’t cool. Howard said Beth did a show where she had to kiss a guy and she looked like she was into it. He said that wasn’t cool. He said that guy was Josh Lucas.
Howard said that Reese works with guys like Christian Bale and Luke Wilson. Robin said that Christian Bale doesn’t seem like a fun guy.
Howard asked Ryan if he’s not dating actresses anymore. Ryan said that would be best because he doesn’t want to deal with that stuff in the press. Howard asked if they get into this comparison thing about whose working and not working. Ryan said that never bothered him and he’s really not that guy that they paint him out to be.
Howard asked Ryan about the movie and why he’s out promoting it. Ryan said the movie is coming out in May but they’ll have some video of it for SNL this weekend. Ryan said that he’s probably the least famous host they’ve ever had. He said they have some great people on the show now. He said he has worked with some of the people from the show on this movie so he wants to see how they do the show. He said you have to appreciate how they do the show so quickly.
Ryan said he was going to ask Howard to help him out on the show and appear with him. Howard said he did that once but he went about it the wrong way. He said that it wasn’t one of his proudest moments. He said he was out of line doing what he did on the show. He said he didn’t really know anyone on the show. Ryan said that he should show up for the Gabourey Sidibe show the week after he’s on. Howard said he’s really not against her. He said he would do the show. He said he’d go on and tell her she can’t work in Hollywood. He said he’d probably show up with 50 pizzas and have a pizza eating contest with her. Ryan said that would go over well.
Howard asked Ryan what kind of ideas he had for SNL. Ryan said he’s going in for his first meeting today. Howard told Fred to come up with some stuff. Ryan said he wants to do another movie with Fred. Fred worked with him in something and it was the last major movie that Fred did.
Ryan told Howard that he saw ”Private Parts” last week and it really is a fun movie. He said she really didn’t know much about Howard so it was like an education about Howard for her.
Howard said he’d like to go on with Gabby Sidibe and make out with her. He said he would do that sketch if she was up for it. He said he’d love to do a love scene with her. Howard said he and Fred and Benjy will write the bit for them too.
Howard asked Ryan about the movies he has coming up. He said he’s doing a Western with some big names. He said he’s doing another one in July with Matthew McConaughey. He said he’s working with Susan Sarandon and Richard Dreyfus in another one. Ryan said that things are really good right now. He said he wants people to see him for who he is and he’s been battling a lot of internal demons. He said now he’s willing to do commercial movies like he wanted to turn down in the past. He said that was kind of a dicky thing to do.
Ryan was talking about a creepy casting moment he had where he was supposed to take his shirt off for the guy. He said he walked out of that. Fred threw in some of the Dave Lampert Sybian clips during that discussion.
Howard checked on Hanzi and fond out he was still snoring but not as loud. Another caller asked Ryan if he’s into weed. Ryan said he does that once in a while. Howard said he could probably get a prescription out there. Ryan said he doesn’t want to be ”on the books” out there.
Howard said Ryan had to get going over to SNL. He said hopefully next time he comes in they’ll have a bigger list of names of women he’s been with. Howard gave him some plugs for the MacGruber movie and for his SNL appearance this week. Howard told the girls around the world to hang in there, they might be next on Ryan’s list.