Monthly Archives: September 2009

Artie Lange Pleads Guilty to DUI charge

Artie Lange cartoon

Artie Lange just pled guilty to one count driving under the influence of a habit-producing drug.

Cops say Artie — who was pulled over in Tom’s River, NJ on July 10 — had a prescribed sleeping pill in his system when he got behind the wheel.

Lange was fined $664, his driver’s license was revoked for seven months and he has to serve 12 hours in an intoxicated driver resource program.

Lange’s lawyer, MIchael Grasso, says Artie pled guilty because “If we would have taken it to trial the interest of the media would have outweighed the best interests of my client.”

Grasso also said the prosecution planned to call more than 10 witnesses and he would have had to counter that with a dozen witnesses of his own — so the plea just made sense.

Howard TV Executive Producer Doug Z. Goodstein injured

The vacation week curse strikes Howard TV Executive Producer Doug Z. Goodstein. No, he’s not dead but he’s recovering after surgery today to repair a broken wrist suffered during a softball game against a team of dancers from Rick’s Cabaret. “We were supposed to play a simple softball game with the girls from Rick’s Cabaret so who knew getting to second base with strippers would be so dangerous,” said Goodstein who’s also expecting a new baby any day now. Doug’s wife, Marlo, has been a great sport about the unfortunate injury and timing of the surgery so close to the birth of their son.

Fight Week on Howard 101 Stream

FightWeekBannerTune this week to hear some of the most uncomfortable yet fascinating moments from the Stern Show Archives. From the infamous altercation between Howard and John “the Incubus” Hayes during the WNBC era to the awesome “I’m not your bro” flare-up between Howard and Artie at Sirius a few years ago – the fireworks are non-stop.

Howard Stern Trivia Contest

Sal was in the studio with Sarah Haeussler who was on the show the other day for the World’s Strongest Naked Woman contest. They also had Britney Stevens in there. She’s a porn star.

Howard played some audio of Britney doing her thing in a ”Face Fucking” movie. Sarah was grossed out by what she was hearing.

Howard said that they asked the girls in because they had asked them some basic knowledge questions and they wanted to test all three of them to see who was the smartest.

Howard said that Britney has been on the show before and she said that the hardest thing she had ever done was double anal. Sarah was grossed out by that and said that she’s never done anal at all.

Howard asked Britney about how the double anal worked. She said that it was tested off camera and then they did it on camera and it was no problem at all. Britney said that she was asked to try it out and if it worked then they went with it. She said she did it just the one time and that was it.

Howard said that Britney’s favorite curse word is the N-word. She wasn’t even sure what the N-word was. Howard asked Sarah if she knew what that word was. Sarah said there are a lot of N-words and one was ”No.”

Sal told the girls that the hint was that she wears beads behind her ears. Robin told Sal he’s an idiot. Sal said it was just a hint because she’s the only one in the studio.

Howard said that the girls are playing for some cash today. He said that he has some money for them if they won. He said that ti’s not a ton of money though. It’s just $500 and a $500 gift card from Steven Singer Jewelers. Sal is playing for the chance for his kids to come in and meet KISS when they come in. Howard asked if they really want that. Sal said they love KISS just like he does. Howard said they like them because he likes them. Britney said that she was in a party bus with KISS one time.

Howard asked Sarah what she does to make a living. She said she has some guys who take care of her. She said she just lives.

Howard moved on to the game and asked the guys who they think will win. Robin said she would hope that Sal knows something and wins.

Howard asked Britney the first question. If she didn’t get it they moved on to the next person. Here are the questions and who was able to answer the questions:

What famous Massachusetts senator recently died? – Britney didn’t know. Sarah said Bill Clinton. Sal knew it was Ted Kennedy.

Walter Cronkite recently died, who was he? – Britney said he was a governor. Sarah said he owned Walt Disney World. Sal knew he was a famous journalist and newscaster.

What is the name of the Alaskan governor who stepped down from office? – Britney didn’t know and said it was Patrick Swayze. Sarah had no idea either and said that it was Patrick Swayze too. Sal said it was Governor Sarah Palin.

What is caviar? – Britney said it was a type of fish. Sarah said it was ”expensive.” Sal got it and said it was fish eggs.

What does USMC stand for? – Britney didn’t know. Sarah said it was ”You Suck Mean Cock.” Sal knew it was United States Marine Corp. This question was dropped because Sal had asked Sarah this question in her trivia challenge.

Who wrote the book Tom Sawyer? – Britney said Diane Sawyer. Sarah said she didn’t even know who Tom Sawyer was. Sal said it was Rush. Then he said it was Eli Weiss. Howard said it was Mark Twain so they all got it wrong.

What three ships did Columbus sail to America? – Britney said she didn’t know. Sarah didn’t know. Sal knew it was the Nina the Pinta and Santa Maria.

Where are your vertebra? – Britney said they’re in your back. She got one right and Sal gave up some of his points to her.

Nelson Mandella is celebrated around the world. Of what African country was Mandella president of? – Sarah didn’t know. Artie asked her to name any country. Britney said that it was Europe. Sal didn’t know either so Howard told him he had to strip down.

What does UPS stand for? – Britney said it was United Postal Service. Sarah thought it was United Pussy Service. Sal said it was United Parcel Service.

Elegant Elliot Offen (Best Of Video)

For the third time in two years, “Elegant” Elliot Offen, the cross-dressing former Howard Stern regular, was the victim of a hate crime early 2017, officials said.

Elliot is definitely polarizing. Elliot Offen got banned from the Howard Stern Show after he punched the wall and threatened BabaBooey.

Robin Quivers new diet and weight loss program

Robin noted that she’d recently met with a doctor who uses beads to help people lose weight – he tapes two small beads behind your ears and massages you with them in a manner that (supposedly) curbs his patients’ appetites. Howard demanded Robin prove her story: “Show me these beads.” Robin obliged, but Howard thought they looked iffy: “What is that – a band-aid over it?” Robin said it was something like that.

Howard wondered if Robin’s obsession with weight-loss had gone too far, but Robin insisted this was a healthy process: “I don’t have a problem losing weight. As you can see, I’m still losing weight. So obviously that is not my issue. I’m just interested in ways other people are losing weight.” Robin later explained that she might write a book about the various methods people try to trim down.

Michael Moore visits The Howard Stern Show

Michael Moore stopped by to promote his new film, Capitalism: A Love Story, and explained the security detail he brought with him by citing some peoples reaction to his infamous “we live in fictitious times” Oscar acceptance speech: “The next day our home was vandalized…people posted signs saying move to Canada on our trees.” Michael said he has a galvanizing effect on people (“When they see me on the street, they go crazy.”), citing one incident in which a crazed man tried to scald him with hot coffee.

Michael blamed incendiary right wing talk show hosts for inciting such behavior because they tell people his films are filled with lies without ever actually identifying any of those lies. Michael even challenged anyone to find a factual error in his movies: “The opinions in my films are mine…but the facts are facts. I offered $10,000 to anyone who can prove there is a factual lie in one of my movies.” Michael explained his new film: “The economy has become Amway. Only a few people can sit atop the pyramid.” Michael on Obama: “Right now, for me, the jury is out. He’s only been in there 8 or 9 months. He inherited a catastrophe.” Michael on his home life: “I’m actually a very conservative person. I’ve been with the same woman for 30 years. We don’t let our daughter have a TV in her bedroom.”