Ford Motor is giving parents the chance to send Howard Stern a message: Stay away from my teenage driver.
The automaker will announce today that it will create a system that allows parents to block 16 channels on Sirius Satellite Radio that could carry raunchy programming. The channels include those of shock jock Stern, Playboy, Hip-Hop Nation and Raw Dog Comedy.
“There’s a lot of mature-content programming out there, and it could be somewhat of a distraction for less-mature ears,” says Andy Sarkisian, Ford’s safety planning and strategy manager.
Sirius, Ford says, already excludes some stations from its family subscription plan. Ford says 60% of the parents it surveyed liked the MyKey approach, because they get to be the censors. “Mom and Dad still have their own key and can listen to Howard,” Sarkisian says.
Stern couldn’t be reached for comment through his agent. Sirius didn’t return a call requesting comment.
That news from the National Examiner follows Stern’s own five-year renewal through December 2015. He said that would probably be the last radio deal he’d cut, but now we know that 30-year news reader and sidekick Robin Quivers will be there with him.
So will Fred Norris. Former Air Force nurse Quivers pursued radio as a new career in the late 1970s and was partnered with Stern at rock “DC101” WWDC-FM, Washington in 1981. Norris first met Stern at WCCC, Hartford in 1979 and came to Washington to work with the show in 1982. Still to announce new deals with Stern: several of the writers and longtime producer Gary Dell’ Abate.
Gary Dell’Abate, the long-time producer of the Howard Stern Show and author of the New York Times-listed bestseller, They Call Me Baba Booey, was honored on Tuesday December 14th at an open-to-the-public party at Rick’s Cabaret NYC, the city’s leading gentlemen’s club.
The party rocked on the second floor of the upscale club that is part of the Rick’s Cabaret International (NASDAQ:RICK) group of clubs and was hosted by a hundred of the club’s beautiful topless entertainers along with Lonnie Hanover, the publicist who is a long-time friend of Dell’Abate. Several characters from the Howard Stern Show came to the party, including “Ronnie the Limo Driver” who said, “There are so many hot girls here. Rick’s Cabaret really knows how to throw a party.”
A few quotes from the girls at Rick’s were: “The book is really good, Gary is the greatest producer and now he is also a great author”” said Christina (32D-24-34). “There were some famous athletes at the party including a NY Jet and a NY Knick, but we are not allowed to reveal names,” said Valentina (33B-24-34). And Rick’s girl Fiona (36C-25-35) added, “Gary was so nice. He signed autographs for all his fans, and posed for lots of photos with us.”
Written with Chad Millman, They Call Me Baba Booey has received high praise from Stern show fans and celebrities. Comedienne Joan Rivers said, “Gary is smart, insightful, and funny, and I had no idea he came from such a dysfunctional family. If you think your family is nuts, wait until you read this story.”
Howard came back and said the moment they’ve all been waiting for is finally there. Howard said they have Little Lupe and Dave Lampert coming in to ride the Sybian.
Howard said Dave Lampert created the Sybian and he’s like 80 years old now. He just had double hip replacement a couple of months ago.
Howard had Lupe come in. He said she looks younger and more beautiful than ever. He introduced her to David Arquette. Howard said that Lupe was nervous about this. She loves cock and vagina but she’s freaked out by Dave Lampert. Howard said hello to Dave and said that he invented the Sybian. Lupe said he must be very smart. Dave said that he’s not, he just had an idea and went with it. Howard asked how he invented it. Dave told Howard and Lupe that he had experiences that made him realize it was needed and he figured out how to do it. Howard said he figured that women needed pleasure and invented this thing.
Howard said that Dave recognized that not all women have as much fun as Lupe does. Howard said women need a machine that helps them orgasm. Arquette said that Lupe has a machine. Lupe said she does have a ”mat-chine” and added ”Ding,ding, ding, ding…”
Howard told Dave to explain to Lupe why he needs to hold Lupe during the Sybian ride. Lupe said she thought he was going to smell bad but he doesn’t smell so bad. She sniffed him and said he does smell weird. Howard asked Dave to say why he has to hold her. Lupe didn’t know that he held them while they were on this thing. Howard said it’s normal for Dave to do that. He said that Dave holds all of them.
Howard said Dave invented the Sybian and she’s going to have orgasms like she’s never had before. Howard said Dave is going to talk her through it. Lupe said she’s nervous and if she’s not into it then it’s very hard for her.
Dave said he explained to her what he is going to do. He said he’ll tell her to just let it go and enjoy it. Lupe was worried she’d laugh and not cum. Dave said he wants her to shut her eyes and just not think about who is holding her. Lupe said she doesn’t want a stranger’s mouth cock. Howard said Dave is a gentleman and he just wants to prove how great the Sybian is. Lupe said she thinks that Dave is made out of plastic. Howard asked what she means by that. He said he does have plastic hips. They’re actually steel according to Dave.
Howard asked Lupe why she thinks Dave is plastic. Howard said he is real. He told her to touch him to see if he was real. Lupe touched him. She said that he’s so white and his skin is like plastic. Howard said he doesn’t go out in the sun. She said you have to do that if you want to look beautiful. Dave said he doesn’t worry about that anymore.
Howard asked Lupe if she’s afraid she’ll lose control and want to fuck Dave while she’s on the Sybian. Howard said that she’s going to fall in love with Dave and she will hear him talking to her while she’s on it. Lupe said if something happens then Robin has to help her.
Howard said Dave is going to put his arms around Lupe and not touch her in a sexual manner. He’s just going to whisper in her ear and tell her what to do while the Sybian is running. Dave said that he wants her to just think about the Sybian and let everything else go.
Howard asked Lupe how her career is going. She said that she had some Fleshlights with her. She had her Fleshlight mouth and pussy there. She wanted Dave to use it but Dave said that he can’t get it up anymore so he can’t use it. Howard said that David Arquette can do it. Lupe gave Arquette the Fleshlight and some other stuff.
Howard said that Lupe is a beautiful woman. Dave said she really is. Lupe thinks that he can fuck but he was just saying that he can’t. Dave said he can’t do it because he has psychological reasons. He said his wife doesn’t like that he was fucking other women so he had to stop doing it so his brain shut down his penis so it doesn’t work at all anymore. Howard asked if he’s worried that he’ll want to fuck again because Lupe is so sexy. Dave said that won’t happen ever again. He said he does find Lupe attractive but his penis doesn’t get hard anymore. It hasn’t for many years. Howard asked Dave if he’ll tell them if he gets hard. Dave said he will. He said he does wake up with a hard on sometimes so he knows it’s psychological that he can’t do it for women.
Howard said that Lupe’s job is to make Dave hard and Dave’s job is to get Lupe off on the Sybian. Lupe wanted to give Dave her Fleshlight but he said he can’t use it without an erection. He said he does masturbate seldomly.
Howard gave Lupe some plugs for her web site ILoveLupe.com and for SexyLittleAngel.com. She has her own clothing line out now so Howard talked to her about that. Howard asked if her breasts ever fall out at the pool. She said that they used to.
Howard told Lupe that David Arquette was a movie star. She didn’t know who he was. Howard explained to her that his wife was on ”Friends” but she didn’t know the show that well. She thought that he was a gay movie star or something. Howard asked if she would get it on with him. She didn’t like David so Howard asked why. She said she just didn’t like him. She didn’t smell him so it wasn’t his smell. Howard wasn’t sure why she didn’t like him.
Howard told Lupe she has to get into this. He told her to take her clothes off and get on the Sybian. He told her to put her heart and soul into it. Lupe said that Dave just winked at her. She sounded very uncomfortable. Howard said Dave is trying to be her friend. Howard said Dave is 80 and he’s not going to do anything to her. Howard said he’ll step in if he has to. Howard told her not to worry.
Howard had Dave get over by the Sybian. He had Lupe take off her clothes and get on. He said this is going to be a great moment on the show. They’ve been waiting for a long time for this. Lupe said she’s not into kinky stuff. Howard said they’re not going to do anything kinky to her.
Robin asked Lupe if she didn’t want to do this. Lupe said she didn’t want to have sex. Howard and Robin said she’s not going to have sex. Dave said he’s not going to take any clothes off at all. Howard said she looks like she’s being kidnapped. Howard said that she’s the hottest porn star in the business right now.
Lupe got on the Sybian and Dave directed her how to sit on it. Howard said Courteney just took her wedding ring off. She’s done with David now. Lupe was freaking out and saying it was really weird.
Dave was calling Lupe ”Loopy.” He told her to just shut her eyes and listen to what he says. He put his arms around her and she freaked out again. Howard told her to just suck it up. Howard told her to play along and put her arms around Dave’s neck. Dave had her put her arms around his neck and he put his arms around her back. Lupe didn’t want her arms around his neck. She pulled them away.
Lupe had her eyes closed and Dave told her to ”let it go.” He told her to go ahead and feel it. He said that he’ll do what she says. He said that if she has an opinions he wants to hear them. Lupe was laughing. Howard told her to shut her eyes or she’d see Dave. Lupe finally relaxed and just went with it. Dave instructed her to just let it go and feel it. He said that she’s doing good. He told her to let it go and go ahead and cum. Lupe moaned and said she was cumming. Dave told her to scream if she wanted to. Dave wanted to do it a second time. He told Lupe to stay on. She wasn’t ready for another one. Robin said this was the stupidest thing.
Dave told Lupe to not think about anything and just go ahead and cum. He told her to let it go again. Howard said he has to tell her to let the poison out. Dave said she doesn’t like that statement so he can’t say it. Dave and Lupe went at it again. He kept saying the same thing over and over about letting it go and to just scream if she wants to. Lupe did some screaming. Lupe finished a few seconds later. Dave wanted to try a third time. Robin asked what’s going on over there. Howard asked if she was up for a third one. She said she could do it. Dave said that she’s doing well. He said there is some resistance and that’s what he was afraid of. He was trying to get her to relax.
Dave and Lupe went at it a third time. Dave talked to Lupe as she moaned during the third ride. He told her she was doing good. They went at it until Lupe finished for the third time. Howard said he thinks major poison came out. He asked Lupe if it was so terrible. Lupe said it wasn’t but she still didn’t like Dave. She said that he’s actually a nice guy. Howard said she’s now pregnant with a plastic baby.
Howard said Lupe didn’t get to say those things that she usually says. Lupe said she would go another time. Howard let them try the Sybian a fourth time. Howard and David Arquette told Dave to just tell her to let the poison out. He didn’t think she liked that statement but he went with it this time. Lupe was also saying more this time instead of just moaning. She was saying ”poosy” and things like that. Dave told her to get the poison out a few times. Dave told her that was good and she finished a fourth time.
Howard said that was a session. Dave said it was a good one. He seemed to like her talking about her pussy. Howard told Dave that he should talk about his penis and tell her he has a big one. Lupe likes to hear about big penis. Howard told them to go one more time.
During the 5th Sybian ride Dave told her that she was going to fuck him hard. Lupe laughed. Dave and Lupe tried it again and talked even more this time. Lupe said she loves cock and Dave thought she was saying she loves to cum. He told her to let it go and said ”Fuck me Loopy.”
Howard said the entire catholic channel just walked out of Sirius. Robin said this was like one of those forced orgasm things. Dave patted Lupe on her butt as she was getting up.
Howard said that Lupe was phenomenal. Robin asked if it was real. Lupe said it was. She said she was sweating. Howard asked what she thought about Dave now. She still thinks he’s plastic but it was okay. Howard said she was great on the Sybian and asked if she really had orgasms. She said she did and she loves the Sybian. She said that Dave has to be so smart for inventing that. Howard said he’s her hero. Howard said the Howard TV fans are going to love this show.
Davie Arquette said that he was torn about this. He said he was torn between the magic of it and the end of his marriage. Howard had to explain that to Lupe. Howard asked David what he’s getting Coco for Christmas. David let out a moan when he said that. Howard said that David is very famous and he’s married to a famous woman and their marriage is ending. David still loves his wife but she won’t fuck him anymore. Lupe asked if her pussy still gets wet. David asked them to please stop.
Howard asked David if his wife’s pussy still gets wet. Lupe said maybe she doesn’t do it because she doesn’t get wet. She said she should ride the Sybian. Howard asked if she had any advice for Courteney. David said this is the end of his marriage and his career.
Howard said that David was in a long marriage and his wife doesn’t understand. David asked him to please stop talking. Lupe said that maybe she doesn’t like his red face. David said she has her vagina in a flashlight and she’s saying that his face is read. Lupe said that maybe this is good because David is a pussy. She said that he acts like this. She bets that he has a tiny cock because of the way he’s acting. She kept saying that he had a tiny cock.
Howard said that Dave did it again. He said he hopes that he enjoyed it. Dave said he was hoping to discuss that it’s Christmas time and the best present to give is a Sybian or a Venus 2000. He said either one is made to last a lifetime. He said they should last 60 years no problem. Howard asked if it would be weird to give one to his mom. Dave said he’s had people order them for their mothers. Howard said he wants all of their numbers so he can have them arrested. Dave said that this is a gift that lasts a lifetime.
Howard said that Dave makes women happy with this thing. He said he will defend Dave until the end of time. He said that they can get he poison out with this thing. He said he appreciates that. Howard said he likes Dave. Lupe said that she loved the Sybian. Dave said they do sell well around this time of year. Howard said Lupe was able to have orgasms even though she wasn’t into Dave at all.
Howard told David that he’d be fine. He was joking about him losing his visitation rights and David said he has to stop. Howard said he’s not going to lose them over this. Lupe called him a pussy again. She said she was sorry she said he had a tiny cock. She took that back. Howard told him to show her his penis to shut her up. Lupe asked him to please show her his big cock.
Howard said he wanted to remind everyone about the Sybian.com web site and about Lupe’s web site and the Fleshlight. He said you can find those at Fleshlight.com.
Howard said he thinks that Lupe is really into David. She said she’s not and he’s an asshole. Robin said she keeps looking at him. She said that’s because he’s an asshole and he has a tiny cock. David said he knows people are going to come up to him on the street and say he has a tiny cock. Lupe took it back but then said ”tiny cock” under her breath again.
David said that Lupe must have a gaping vagina. She told him to shut up because it’s making her millions. She said it’s actually very tight. Howard wrapped up and thanked Dave for coming in. He wished Lupe lots of luck and told her to hook up with Tiny Cock over there. She called him Tiny Cock again.
Howard Stern gave a lengthy statement about absent co-host Artie Lange during Wednesday morning’s Howard Stern Show broadcast.
Lange has now been absent from HSS for a full year. The comedian, who joined the Howard Stern Show cast in 2001, went on mandatory medical leave for conditions surrounding his heroin addiction in December 2010. A month later, he attempted suicide by stabbing himself nine times.
Stern’s December 9th announcement that the Howard Stern Show will continue on Sirius XM for another five years immediately prompted questions from fans about whether the prodigal son would return to fill the “Artie chair”. The media mogul addressed the issue Wednesday after a caller pressed him for information.
“I am very careful what I say about Artie and I’ll tell you why: I will never forget the feeling that shook me when I got the call what happened to Artie and what he did to himself. It rocked me. It rocked me profoundly. (voice cracks) I was so upset. I did a lot of self examination. I said: ‘Did I feed into this? Was I responsible for this?’ I asked myself lots of different questions. And my conclusion was that I love Artie. Artie Lange is a super talent and what he gave to this show I will always be grateful for. He was a great team player and there wasn’t a jealous bone in Artie’s body. He’s a gentleman. And funny.
But, in all seriousness, when the reality of life and death hit me-that he plunged a knife into himself several times, I vowed right then and there: I am not going to go on these airwaves and do anything to upset him or to rock his world. He needs lots of tender loving care. He needs the love of his family. He needs the love of his friends and he needs to get better. And this show? This is a comedy show and I can’t sit here and make jokes about Artie. I don’t want Artie to be offended by anything. Because he’s walking a tight wire, you know? He’s walking the tight rope.”
Yes, the day had finally arrived, Little Lupe Fuentes was finally going to ride the Sybian machine with its inventor, Dave Lambert. The big event was originally scheduled last September, but the 80-year-old Lambert fell off a horse and injured himself, so he could not participate.
When the odd pair entered the studio, Lupe seemed very reluctant to get on the machine because Dave said he needed to hold her during the ride. She thought Dave would try to have sex with her during the ride. She seemed to calm down a bit when Dave told her that little Dave did not work anymore and that his role on the Sybian with her was strictly platonic.
Finally, the two mounted the Sybian and Lupe immediately started to freak out screaming “this is so weird” when Dave held her. She was calmed down with some coaching by Howard Stern. Once again Dave coached her during the whole ride repeatedly with “that’s a girls.” It was just as creepy as the Dave’s on the Sybian with adult film star Raven Alexis.
Lupe said she had a good time and then they tried a second run on the machine. After a few giggles, Lupe got right back into it for an encore. Needing very little goading, they tried a third time which was not a problem for Lupe.
Also making its first appearance was Dave’s infamous line “get the poison out”, which Lupe said made her uncomfortable, so he did not say it prior.